


so stay with me, hold my hand, there's no need to be brave

by upstairsyorkie



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: ALSO implied mikan/ibuki but it's very very light., Amputation, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Koizumi Mahiru/Saionji Hiyoko, Minor Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Minor Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham, Mutual Pining, Post DR3, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Rated M for themes; no smut. might bump it up to T, Suicidal Thoughts, changed the other ships from main to background since they aren't as prominent!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27904027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upstairsyorkie/pseuds/upstairsyorkie
Summary: “Right. So, did you come in just to talk about books?” asked Komaeda, visibly puzzled. Hinata blushed slightly. “Not that I don’t want to discuss books with you, at all! I’d be honored if you wanted to talk about books, if you wanted to spend any time with me at all! But, it seems like a discussion ultimately unworthy of your time. Not that I am worthy of your time, someone like me -”“No! I mean, you’re - you’re fine, Komaeda,” said Hinata, desperately wanting to kick himself. Why could he not talk to Komaeda like a normal human being for once? “I-I’m here about the hand?”
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 46
Kudos: 167





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I have literally been playing this stupid game for the first time in like 7 years and Komahina has gotten its grips on me once again. I also haven't written fanfiction in a pretty long time (like.... a really long time) so please forgive me if it's a little unsteady as I get back into it! Also, as a warning to everyone, I have no idea how to write honorifics. Komaeda is probably the only one that will use them, so I'm sorry for that in advance. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for reading!  
> The title is from Mitski's song "I Will"! It's a great song <3

Hinata was sitting on the beach. The sky, blood red, loomed above him; the water in front of him was impossibly dark. Grey clouds were rumbling in the distance, their presence a foreshadowing of a storm to come. He hoped the clouds would turn around, return to the mainland, or wherever they came from.

He was sitting under the palm that once used to look over the MonoMono Machine. The first island wasn’t so different from the one that he had left behind in the Neo World Program. The ranch was still standing, with decrepit picket fences and a broken-down barn that birds and other small animals would sometimes use as shelter during storms. The Rocket Punch Market’s isles, once filled with goods and an astounding amount of soda, were empty. The hotel hadn't changed that much. It still stood there, sixteen cottages, adorned with nameplates that Sonia had painstakingly created as each of their friends had woken up. And, of course, the beach. Other than the change in color palette, it remained relatively unchanged. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend he was still passed out there, before the killing game had even started, and that a breathy, comforting voice was trying to bring him back to reality. Hinata loved the beach. 

Hinata stood up and cleared his hands of sand, then moved towards the ocean. The humid summer wind tickled his skin as it created small, white-crested waves. He took off his shoes and rolled up his sweatpants, stepping closer to the shoreline. He repressed a shiver as cold water met his skin, his red and green pupils shrinking slightly. Whenever the island got to be too much for him, he would retreat here. He loved his friends more than life itself, but since waking up he had been more introspective and quieter. A side-effect of Kamukura, he supposed.

They had all changed since the program. When the survivors had woken up over six months ago, most of them were barely recognizable. Fuyuhiko mostly looked the same, especially because he was still missing his left eye, although he did sport a thin moustache that had been relentlessly mocked by Souda and shaved almost immediately. The others had changed much more. Sonia’s hair was short and cut haphazardly, in a way that begrudgingly reminded Hinata of Mikan. Souda’s hair had faded to black, but his hands had refused to stop shaking for about two months after waking up, making his mechanic work almost impossible. Akane was extremely thin, her now-long hair unhealthy and lacking its usual shine. She still sometimes struggled with physical exercise, her breath weaker and more fragile than ever before. As for Hinata himself… well, he wasn’t even the same person. He could cut his hair and pretend, but he would never be the same.  


He directed his gaze towards the horizon. No ship. Of course; after that whole Future Foundation debacle, they had mostly been left alone. In some ways, it was a blessing, but Hinata wished he could do more to atone. If only he could use his talents for something. He had so many, but what were they really good for?

Hinata tried not to think about it too much. He felt so different than he had during the simulation. He missed the blue sky, the uncertainty of everything, and Chiaki. Not in a romantic sense, necessarily, although he had undoubtedly been infatuated with her (maybe even  _ loved  _ her, in the way that high school boys love their high school girlfriends). Hinata just missed talking to her. Her company was so easy, even though she took a little too long to answer and was prone to nodding off mid-conversation. She had been one of his best friends. He was grateful that everyone else had woken up, that they were all slowly healing piece by piece. But he missed her.

Hinata looked up at the sun. It was lighter than the rest of the red sky, a comforting warm presence, a reminder that maybe it would all turn out to be alright. He could tell by its position that it was about 5:30 PM; he had promised to help Soda with something or other. Maybe maintenance for the generator? He couldn’t remember, but it’s not like that mattered. Whatever was broken, he could and would fix it. He got out of the water, dried his feet as he cursed the existence of sand under his breath, and put his shoes on. 

As he turned around to leave, he noticed a cloud of white hair and a green parka walking towards him. Hinata didn’t know why Komaeda continued to wear that jacket despite everything. He knew that if he still had the shirt and tie that he wore during the game, he would have burned them. Or maybe he would have treasured them in the back of his closet, taken them out to cry or something before carefully placing them back. He wasn’t sure. Maybe he'd burn them and regret it forever.  


Komaeda smiled at him as he approached, his mechanical hand softly whirring as it waved. His hair had grown slightly longer and wilder while he was asleep in the pod. Its white color never failed to be striking, an unnatural pallor plaguing him and following him wherever he went. Komaeda was thinner than in the game, his cheeks slightly sunken-in and his clothes overbearing his frame. He was still taller than Hinata. Dark bags pooled underneath his down-turned eyes, but he didn’t seem otherwise tired or much different than he used to be. He had undoubtedly grown up; this was not the boy who had winked at him at the beach when playing with everyone else, joyous and full of life, but some distant echo of him. A memory. But it wasn’t… bad. It wasn’t a bad change. Hinata was different, too. It was complicated.

“Hi, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda said cheerily, genuine happiness to see him clear in his eyes. 

“Hey, Komaeda,” Hinata replied, with a smaller but still kind smile.

Since Komaeda had woken up, their relationship had been, for lack of a better word, weird. Not like it wasn’t odd before, but back then everything was. Weird was still better than those horrible months in between, when Komaeda was stuck between life and death and Hinata was waiting day and night by his side, obsessively praying that the AI he had built would work. He was taking so long. Hinata had almost lost hope. He still remembered Komaeda’s grey eyes opening, weak but irrefutably alive. Hinata had wanted to cry and hug him, thank him, but he hadn’t. 

It had only been about a month since then. They performed the surgery for his hand almost immediately after he had woken up; they still had to save Naegi and the Future Foundation, so the two hardly had a chance to talk after everything. It had been about two weeks since they had returned, and since then Komaeda and Hinata had been dancing around each other. It was definitely weird.

“What are you doing here?” Hinata asked, then tried to stop himself from cringing and hit his forehead with one of his hands. That had sounded rude. It’s not like Komaeda needed his permission to visit the beach. Thankfully, Komaeda hadn’t seemed to notice.

“Oh, I’m just reading!” the other replied. He shook his non-mechanical hand, which was holding a book. Hinata flushed a little. How had he not seen it?. “I find the beach to be awfully relaxing, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah, me too,” Hinata answered. There was a beat of silence. “Well, I’m just gonna… go… leave you to the beach and your book. Have fun! Bye!” he exclaimed, his heartbeat picking up a little. He speedwalked out of the beach, hearing Komaeda’s vague goodbye fade behind him. He shoved his hands in his face as he walked away, cursing himself.

Hinata and Souda had worked on the generator for about two and a half hours until it was fixed. They had caught the problem early, so there would be no power outage, at least not for a while. Not if they were lucky, and Hinata had plenty of luck - whoever had built him had ensured he would. They decided to grab dinner with the rest of their friends at the hotel restaurant. 

“Hey, man, I had something to ask you,” said Souda as they walked over to the restaurant from the administration building, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. His hands were steadier now, but sometimes betrayed a small tremble. It was getting better though. Hinata smiled at him in an invitation to continue. 

Souda chuckled nervously. “So… I was thinking… what do you think of… um, alright, nevermind, man”, he spat out. Hinata sighed in irritation. Souda was a good friend, his best friend, but good lord.

“Just tell me, Souda. Please,” Hinata replied. He hoped Souda couldn’t hear the poorly-veiled irritation in his voice.

“It’s about…  _ his _ … hand,” said Souda, his eyes shifting to the side as he uttered  _ his.  _ Right, Komaeda. Souda was still greatly uncomfortable with the other, and he hadn’t really bothered to hide it. Or rather, couldn’t hide it; it wasn’t like Souda could hide anything that was going on his head, after all.

“Right, what about it?” 

“Look… it needs a check-up, right? And someone needs to do it. And it’s not like I don’t like Komaeda, but - okay, that’s not true. I don’t like Komaeda, well - I don’t hate him either, but he did try to blow us up, and I don’t know if I can…” Souda rambled, before stopping and visibly tried to gather his thoughts as Hinata glared at him. “Sorry, sorry. What I’m asking, I guess, is… can you do the maintenance check this time? You guys are... friends or whatever, right? And if not friends, I mean, he used to follow you around and stuff, or whatever, and I still need time to process everything, and…”

Hinata let out a sigh of relief. All this over a check-up? “Of course I can do a check-up on his hand. Don’t worry about it." Souda smiled nervously and did a thumbs up.

“Thanks man, I knew I could count on my soul brother!” he exclaimed as they walked in the hotel lobby. As Souda started talking about something or other, Hinata’s eyes roamed around the lobby, stopping on the lonely and broken arcade machine in the corner. It was too painful for Hinata to even think about. He gave a small sigh as Souda kept blabbering on and started walking up the stairs. He tried to forget about the arcade and focus on the delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

Once he reached the top of the stairs, he could see a familiar scene spreading out before him. His friends, sitting together. Hiyoko, now an actual full-grown adult as opposed to a vicious middle-schooler, was sitting next to Mahiru, chatting with her as she tortured one of their paper towels into tiny pieces. Mahiru’s hair had grown a little longer, but she looked relatively unchanged except for a sizeable burn on her arm. On the table next to the two girls were Ibuki, Mikan, Impostor and Ryota. Ibuki didn’t look that different; her hair was now orange and purple, but she changed it every few weeks. She was dominating the conversation, laughing and shouting in typical Ibuki fashion, as Mikan looked at her fondly. Mikan’s awakening had been tough, and getting the others to trust her again had been tougher still. Hinata knew Ibuki made it better, though. Impostor was wearing Togami’s face, since they knew it was the most comforting one for their friends. Ryota was a new addition, but he seemed to fit in okay so far. At the next table over, Nidai and Akane were arm-wrestling. Fuyuhiko and Peko were sitting together, Fuyuhiko complaining about something or other as Peko smiled softly and fondly. Teruteru was likely in the kitchen. Gundham and Sonia were sitting together; as Sonia saw Hinata and Souda enter the dining room, she waved and yelled to get their attention. “Come here! We saved you seats!”

“Thank you, Sonia,” Hinata replied, shooting a look at Souda, who was smiling widely at the two and practically skipping towards the table. Souda had calmed down about Sonia, thankfully. He had a breakthrough about his behavior a month into the survivors’ stay on the island, back when only Impostor had awoken, and promptly avoided Sonia for two weeks until the princess herself had demanded an explanation. There had been tears (mostly Souda's) and hugs and declarations of life-long friendship. It was sweet, but unnecessarily dramatic, like everything about his friends. After Gundham had woken up and given some time to recover, he was greeted by a Sonia-approved apology on behalf of Souda, which he had been strongly encouraged to accept. According to Gundham, since then, the mechanic had quickly rosen through the infernal plane’s ranks and was now regarded as a very low-level demon. 

Souda and Hinata sat down in front of Souda and Gundham.

“Good afternoon, fiends! Did you manage to fix the generator? I had placed protective incantations around it last time it needed maintenance, but some demonic force must have interfered for it to malfunction as it did! Surely, it was the work of some cursed presence!” bellowed Gundham, pulling his long hair out of his eyes. Sonia nodded very seriously next to him.

“Ummm… no, it just needed some maintenance. We should be fine for a while,” Souda replied, rubbing his eyebrow and shooting a look at Hinata. Gundham and Souda may have been good friends now, but they still found each other incredibly odd.

Hinata ignored the look. He was hungry. He stood up behind his chair.  “What do you want, Souda? I’ll grab you a plate."

“Oh, really? Thanks, man!” said the other, thinking. “Can you grab me a slice of pizza?”

Hinata nodded and walked into the kitchen. He wanted a slice of pizza as well; Teruteru’s pizza was  _ very  _ good.

“Hey, Teruteru. Can I have two slices of pizza?”, he said, looking at the smaller man who was turned around, focused on the oven in front of him. He was strikingly similar to how he looked back in the simulation. Hinata forcibly shut his eyes as he tried not to remember an image of Teruteru covered in grease dropped in an active volcano. 

“Of course, Hinata. Two slices coming right up! What kind would you like?” Teruteru said, still facing the oven.  


“Cheese, I guess… are there really types? I mean, it’s just pizza,” replied Hinata nervously. 

Teruteru scoffed loudly and turned around.

“How dare you! Pizza is a delicacy, and I’ll have you know I don’t make some kind of lowly pizza; I make one befitting of the title of Ultimate Chef! Cheese pizza… it’s called margherita, and mine would hold up against the best pizzas made by the finest Italian pizzerias,” he spat out, his real accent seeping into his words. Once Teruteru started talking about food, there was no stopping him. Hinata put up his hands in apology. 

“Right, right, I’m sorry, Teruteru. Please, can I have two slices of just… your favorite type of pizza?” he said, hoping the apology would be enough for Teruteru to stop blabbering about pizza. The sighed a little and weighed out his words, before nodding.

“Fine, fine, since you asked so nicely. You’re very lucky, I had already made these two, so you don’t have to wait,” said Teruteru, winking at Hinata and handing him two slices of pizza with mushrooms and sausage toppings.

Hinata bit back the instinct to tell Teruteru off - he hadn’t said anything  _ that  _ bad, after all, although he didn’t like his tone - and grumbled a thanks. He walked out to the dining room holding up the two plates. As he made his way to Sonia and Gundham, he scowled slightly. In the chaos of the dinner, he hadn’t realized that someone was missing from the room. Where was Komaeda? Hinata guessed he shouldn’t really be surprised. Komaeda hardly showed up at mealtimes, preferring to eat after everyone had already left. Sometimes Hinata saw him walking out of his cottage towards the restaurant, his shoulders hunched as he made his way over there alone. If it had been anyone else, Hinata would have called it lonely, but Komaeda struck him as being utterly above loneliness. 

After the program, Hinata had thought a lot about what the other told him. He said he wanted someone to love him. Hinata honestly wasn’t sure whether Komaeda’s admittance of loneliness had been a lie. And even if he hadn’t lied, if he did want anyone to love him, he wouldn’t want Hinata, a talentless Reserve Course student who sold out his soul for a chance to be special. He would want someone with an actual natural talent, not whatever Frankensteinian creature Hinata had turned out to be.

He sat down as Souda held out the chair for him, thanking him with a nod and handing him a slice of pizza. Hinata started playing with it as Gundham, Souda, and Sonia discussed the events of the day. Apparently Gundham had befriended some birds. Hinata was happy for him. He knew how much Gundham missed his Dark Devas of Destruction, who had apparently decided to strike out for their own luck and establish their own demonic legacy in the post-apocalyptic world. Hinata knew he was lying, but he didn’t want to push it. Maybe one day, when everything was fine, he would tell them what really happened. 

Hinata tuned out the rest of the conversation as he took some bites of the slice. It was delicious, but he usually found it hard to eat for pleasure. It was merely another function, just like pretty much everything else was. Hinata’s days felt like a never-ending routine. There was always someone to help, and Hinata liked helping, but it was always the same. Progress and setbacks, something to fix that would inevitably get destroyed, and then fixed again. It was… it was boring. He rarely admitted it to himself, but Chiaki wasn’t the only thing that Hinata missed from the killing game. He missed the unpredictability, the lack of routine. Hinata had never liked normal and ordinary, even though that’s what he had been for the majority of his life. He did the unthinkable for a chance to not be normal, to be special for once. I mean, it basically killed him, and he wanted it to happened. And now that he shared some of Kamukura’s qualities, that he kind of was Kamukura, the feeling had only amplified. Hinata felt so guilty. He would never go back, not for all the excitement in the world, but sometimes he missed the adrenaline, the way everything felt so vibrant as opposed to dull and pointless. 

How selfish of him! Hinata should only be happy for his friends and their recovery. He could see them getting better before his eyes, in the way that Mikan stuttered less and less, in the way Sonia no longer had panic attacks when she thought about Novoselic, in the way Fuyuhiko, Peko and Mahiru were slowly starting to make amends. He could tell by the decreasing amount of people frantically knocking on his door in the early hours of the morning. And yet, sometimes he found himself wishing to be back in the game, just for one night, just to be able to feel everything again, and to finally say goodbye. 

Hinata rubbed his eyes and finished his slice of pizza. While Gundham and Souda chatted about whether robots could ever have souls, and if so whether they could end up in hell, Sonia was giving him a concerned look. He smiled at her, tired red and green eyes crinkling at the corners. She didn’t look entirely convinced, but didn’t press it, and returned her attention to the conversation taking place in front of her. 

“Hey, Nidai! When you were a robot, did you have a soul? Like, did you have feelings and stuff?” said Souda. Nidai stopped walking towards the kitchen to think, his clean plate between his hands. 

“He wasn’t really a robot, idiot! It was only the program!” replied Fuyuhiko loudly, his conversation with Peko clearly forgotten. 

“Right, it’s just like changing your avatar in a video-game!” exclaimed Ibuki. Her voice made Mikan tremble slightly, but she recovered immediately and gave the other girl a warm smile as they squeezed each other's hands.

“Coach Nekomaru most definitely had feelings, Souda! He wasn’t just a robot… and if you really think so, I’ll beat cha up!” said Akane, standing on her tiptoes and trying to ruffle Nidai’s hair. He bent down a little to let her. 

Souda looked offended at being ganged up on. He looked pleadingly at Gundham, Sonia and Hinata, begging them to defend him with his eyes. Hinata chuckled and stood up, putting his plate back in the kitchen sink and wishing Teruteru a good night. He walked back to the table and grabbed his jacket.

“I’m gonna go talk to Komaeda about the hand check-up,” he explained to Sonia. “Can you tell him once he’s done arguing?”

“Of course!” she replied, amusement clear in her eyes. 

As he walked out of the restaurant and into the cool night air, he could still hear pieces of the conversation behind him.

“You fool! Souda’s question made perfect sense! The line between human life and mechanical life is ever-thinning, and we have an ex-robot in our midst! It is only natural to be curious!”

“What the fuck was THAT?! Hiyoko, I swear to God, did you just throw a fucking spitball at me? Well, at least you missed… again?! Alright, damn it, I’ve fucking had enough!” 

Hinata heard chairs scraping on the floor and more yelling, although it was becoming more and more indistinguishable as he walked towards his own cottage. He smiled fondly. 

Hinata was standing in front of Komaeda’s cottage. He had changed into clothes that were not stained in whatever grease and oil Souda seemed to be constantly covered by, in this case a green hoodie and a pair of dark wash jeans. He attempted to smooth his hair down and knocked. He felt a little hysterical for some reason.

“Hey, Komaeda… it’s me, Hinata. I need to talk to you for a minute, are you free right now?” he asked from behind the doorstep. 

He heard shifting, the distinct sound of someone getting up from the bed and moving towards the door. The cottages were not soundproof at all, huh. The door opened. Komaeda was smiling at him, his hair slightly more unkempt than usual, like he had been pushing it back.

“Hi, Hinata-kun! Please do come in, sorry if it’s a mess!” replied Komaeda, moving aside to let Hinata in. 

Hinata hadn’t actually been in Komaeda’s cottage, not his real one. He stepped in and looked around as Komaeda shut the door behind him. The cottage was most certainly not a mess. 

There was no fridge or pink box on his desk, like when he visited during the game; instead, there were a lot of books and a soft warm yellow light. Hinata hadn’t even visited the library yet, he had been too busy. He wondered whether Komaeda had to return them by a certain date. The rest of the room was plain, just like his, except Komaeda’s bed was actually made and his sheets looked ironed. There was a book on his nightstand, the same one he had seen him read at the beach. 

“Did you uh… are you liking the book?” asked Hinata, lightly scratching his neck.

_ Cool. Good conversation starter, Hinata. Who goes into someone’s cottage at like 9 PM and doesn’t explain why they’re there?, _ he thought, cringing at himself. For all his talents, talking to people was still a mystery to him. Especially talking to Komaeda.

Komaeda looked down at him, scowling slightly in confusion, then seemed to realize what he was talking about. 

“Ah! Right! It is certainly not bad, although I haven’t gotten far enough into it to judge it. Why, have you read it?”

“Oh, no, umm… but I know what it’s about, Ultimate Literary Genius, you know?” he pointed at himself, grimacing slightly.

“Right. So, did you come in just to talk about books?” asked Komaeda, visibly puzzled. Hinata blushed slightly. “Not that I don’t want to discuss books with you, at all! I’d be honored if you wanted to talk about books, if you wanted to spend any time with me at all! But, it seems like a discussion ultimately unworthy of your time. Not that I am worthy of your time, someone like me -”

“No! I mean, you’re - you’re fine, Komaeda,” said Hinata, desperately wanting to kick himself. Why could he not talk to Komaeda like a normal human being for once? “I-I’m here about the hand?”

“Oh. The hand.” said Komaeda, his expression darkening a little before being suddenly replaced by the carefree smile Hinata had come to know so well. “Well, what of it?”

“Souda said it needs a check-up. I was wondering whether you were free tomorrow, maybe at around 10? I promised Akane and Nidai that I’d exercise with them before, and I have to see Ibuki about the Titty Typhoon at around 10:30, so that’s about the only time when I could do it. It shouldn’t take too long, not if everything’s fine,” Hinata explained, standing awkwardly against the wall.

“Oh, of course! I mean, I don’t really have anything to do tomorrow, but…” started Komaeda, then broke off and slightly bit his lip.

“But…?” 

Why did everyone on this island need information coaxed out of them?

“I mean, you are in my cottage right now, correct? Wouldn’t it be better if you just did it now, now that you have time? I haven’t noticed anything weird with it, and I don’t want to impose,” Komaeda replied, then widened his eyes. “But if you’re busy right now, you don’t have to! You know, we can always do it tomorrow, I don’t mind at all!”

Hinata sighed, then nodded.  “Yeah, sure, we can do it right now. If there’s anything wrong I’ll look over it again tomorrow.” 

He moved towards Komaeda’s bed, standing awkwardly before it and waiting for the other’s permission to sit down.

“Oh! Of course, sit down, Hinata-kun!” exclaimed the other, then moved slightly closer as Hinata sat down on the right sat of the bed. Komaeda looked at Hinata expectantly. 

“Umm… I actually uh… need your hand to check it,” said Hinata. This was why he didn’t hang out with Komaeda. Why was it always so goddamn weird?

“Ha ha… of course! Um, I’ll sit down next to you, I guess!” replied Komaeda, then sat down about a foot away from Hinata on the bed. His cheeks were a little pink. Hinata felt himself get distracted, but quickly forced the thought out of his mind and scooted closer to Komaeda.

“May I?” he asked, softly, looking at the other in silent expectation.

Komaeda nodded and gave him his hand. Hinata took it between his own and studied it carefully. He hadn’t been sure about the design. He thought the black and white would bring back unpleasant memories, but Souda was convinced it looked good, and Komaeda seemed to be fine with it. Souda and Hinata had worked on it while the other was still asleep. Hinata’s days back then consisted of waiting by Komaeda’s pod until he was forcibly thrown out of the administration building by his concerned friends every night. He would then stay up until the early hours of the morning, working on the design and making sure everything would function properly. The next morning, as he made his way to the administration building again, he would then give the night’s work to Souda, who worked on it during the day. And it repeated over and over again until Komaeda finally woke up.

Hinata knew that Souda wasn't as obsessive about Komaeda’s hand as he was, but he didn’t mind. He was so proud of it. It was elegant, and most importantly, it worked. He hoped that whenever Komaeda looked at it he wouldn’t think of Junko. He, maybe a little selfishly, hoped he would think of him. And Souda, of course. 

Hinata was hunched over the mechanical hand as he studied it, his fingers softly touching and prodding Komaeda’s fingers. It seemed to be working fine. It was very cold, being made of metal, but he could hear the very soft whirring of wires and electricity. 

“Can you feel? Does it hurt?”

“No, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata continued to study the hand. He touched where the artificial nerves met Komeda’s actual wrist. It was pretty badly scarred, lines reaching over each other in uneven patterns. The original amputation hadn’t been very clean. Hinata knew Mikan hadn’t done it, so Komaeda must have carried it out himself. He could not even imagine the pain. But then again, Komaeda had been through things he couldn’t really imagine.

“Can you move all the fingers?”

In response, Komaeda moved his fingers one by one, softly. They seemed to be working fine. Hinata was confident in his and Souda’s skills, and he knew everything was likely alright. But he wanted to be sure, so he turned Komaeda’s hand around again and double-checked.

He remembered presenting the hand to Komaeda while he was still in the hospital. It was a bit early, but they needed to leave soon to help Naegi and the Future Foundation. The other had only woken up a few days earlier and was still wrapping his head around everything that happened during the killing game and his other memories. It had been easier for him than the others, since he learned about it during the game, but it was no less traumatizing. Komaeda used to spend his days staring at the ocean through the window of the hospital room, his eyes swirling madly like they did whenever he got into the whole hope thing. Souda had chickened out of giving Komaeda the hand, as always, and Hinata had had to do it for him. When he showed him the hand, Komaeda’s swirls had died down and he had broken down into tears, about how he wasn’t worth it, about how he literally tried to kill Hinata and he was still doing this for him, about hope and despair. It had been a long afternoon. 

Hinata checked the gaps between Komaeda’s fingers.

“Can you feel?” he asked in a low voice.

“Mh-hm” the other replied. His voice sounded a little weird.

Hinata looked up. Komaeda’s face was bright red, his lips slightly open. The world felt like it was slowing down, as Hinata’s brain struggled to register the information. Komaeda was… blushing? Was it because Hinata was hurting him, or…? They stared at each other in the dimly lit room. He was still holding Komaeda’s hand between his own. Komaeda’s eyes looked almost green in the light, something Hinata couldn’t describe dancing in them. Hinata looked at his lips. Komaeda let out an embarrassed chuckle. 

“Komaeda...” Hinata tried to say, his words deep and his voice basically broken. What was happening? He tried to make sense of the situation, but he could only focus on Komaeda in front of him. He looked transfixed, staring at Hinata in a way that he seldom did. The red wasn’t unpleasant to look at, or splotchy. It contrasted with his hair, and to Hinata it felt warmer than the summer sun. Hinata nonsensically thought that he could stare at him all day. He felt himself blush, blood rushing to his cheeks. He looked at Komaeda’s lips and then back up at his eyes. Komaeda looked happy, for once. Hopeful.

It was so different from the Komaeda he often pictured in his brain, detached and alone and impossible to understand. The way he had been back then, rambling at class trials and talking about murder in such a cheery way, surrounded by fire and poison and wide dead eyes and a spear sticking out of his chest and -

Hinata shut his eyes tight and tried to force the image away. He took a deep breath until he couldn’t see the other’s corpse staring at him anymore, and then realized that Komaeda, the real Komaeda, was likely still looking at him. He must look stupid. When he opened his eyes again, Komaeda’s gaze and posture had changed completely. There was an echo of a blush on his cheeks, but his shoulders had stiffened, and his gaze looked disinterested and cold. This was the Komaeda that Hinata knew. 

Komaeda was trying to pull his hand away, but Hinata had forgotten he was still holding it between his own. As Hinata relaxed his grip, Komaeda scoffed a little and accidentally pulled it up with a greater force than necessary, hitting Hinata square in the face.  


“Fuck!”

Hinata clutched at his nose with his hands as his eyes watered from the pain. He knew Komaeda had only hurt him by accident, and not very hard after all, but his hand was still made of metal. His nose was hurting a lot. It may have been bleeding. 

“Hinata-kun! I’m so sorry!” exclaimed the other, standing up immediately. Hinata tried to look at him over his fingers. Komaeda’s expression had shifted once again. He looked concerned and unsure with what to do with himself, awkwardly standing above him as Hinata turned his face upward to stop the blood flow. 

“No, no, Komaeda, it’s fine! It’s my fault!” said Hinata, trying to reassure Komaeda as he was probably bleeding all over his bed. 

“No, no, it’s all my fault! I’m so sorry, Hinata-kun!” replied Komaeda. Hinata thought he heard tears in the other’s voice. He did not think he could handle a crying Komaeda right now.

“Look, look, I’m fine! See?” 

He removed his hands from his nose and looked down. There was blood pretty much everywhere, but not as much as he’d originally thought. Hinata didn’t think that his nose was broken or fractured; hopefully, if he was lucky, it would just swell up for a couple of days and return to normal. He hoped that the bravado in his voice would mask the pained tears in his eyes.

Komaeda looked utterly unconvinced and began pulling at his hair. 

_ Bad sign _ , thought Hinata.

“Look, I’ll just go to Mikan and ask her to look at it. You can come with me if you’d like. It’s nothing to worry about. Please don’t worry,” he said, obviously pleading. He really didn’t want Komaeda to go on a self-depreciative tangent right now. A drop of blood fell on his legs, but he wiped it away quickly, hoping Komaeda wouldn’t notice. 

Komaeda moved a little closer, studying Hinata. He could practically see the cogs in his brain turn, before his eyes became dark and started swirling. He let out a bout of maniacal laughter.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my bad luck, it’s all my fault… If you hadn’t come in none of this would have happened! If you hadn’t given me this hand, if you hadn’t woken me up at all! And to think Hinata-kun was kind enough to come to my room, to my cottage, to check in on whether I was doing fine and whether his gift was in good shape! A gift that I most certainly don’t deserve, as lowly as I am! And you try to comfort me, when you are clearly in pain! I do not deserve any of this!” he rambled, holding himself. 

Hinata sighed.  “Komaeda, it wasn’t your bad luck. It was just an accident. And even if it was your luck, what does it matter? It’s just a nose. I’m fine." He was trying to reason with Komaeda. It didn’t usually work, but he didn’t want to just walk away, as he used to in the program. 

Hinata  _ really  _ hoped he wasn’t bleeding everywhere.

“It’s not just a nose, Hinata-kun! It’s your nose! Quite frankly, it would kill me if I hurt you!” replied Komaeda. 

_ Didn’t he literally try to kill me - all of us, actually - just a few months ago?, _ thought Hinata. He bit back his tongue. He felt annoyance and frustration building up, his brain tuning out the pain and focusing on the blood rushing to his ears. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down.

“Komaeda, it’s fine!” he exclaimed, probably too loud as he saw Komaeda flinch slightly. “It’s just a nose, it’s not your luck, and it doesn’t matter! Stop blaming yourself!”

Komaeda refused to answer him, scoffing as Hinata talked. Hinata looked at the window, which was propped open with one of his books. He hoped the others weren’t listening. 

“Of course it’s my fault! You know what happens to me, you know about the cycle! Bad things happen and good things happen and it’s my fault. I should not have opened the door for you, I knew something like this would happen and I still let it, I’m so selfish and repulsive and -”

“Maybe it’s your luck cycle or maybe it’s just me being stupid because I got distracted. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that it happened and that I’m fine,” Hinata replied. He decided to be more honest. “Please. I know you still think it’s your fault, but it hurts me to hear you talk about yourself like that.”

Komaeda scowled. “It… hurts you? Why? It’s true, after all." 

At least this seemed to puzzle him a little, the swirling in his eyes dimmed a little. He looked very confused, like he couldn’t fathom the possibility of Hinata ever being sad for him. This calmed Hinata down, for some reason. It was familiar. Hinata was aware of the pain again, a dull throbbing in his nose. He was still bleeding a little, but he was sure it wasn’t broken.

“It just does. Can you please come with me to get Mikan to make sure it isn't broken or something?”, he asked. Did Hinata have to get on his knees and beg or something?

“If I do and you slip and die in the pool as we try to get there, you’ll know who to blame!” replied Komaeda cheerily. Hinata let out a deep breath, attempting to stable himself. There was no point in trying to change Komaeda’s mind, so he decided to change tactics.

“Look, Komaeda, stop blaming yourself. It happened already; even if it was your luck, you couldn’t have prevented it. I’m fine. It barely hurts. Let’s go to Mikan to check it out and make sure it isn’t broken, although I really don’t think it is,” he said. Komaeda looked hesitant. “And, maybe it means there’s good luck to come?” he added hopefully.

Komaeda suddenly scrunched up his eyebrows, considering Hinata’s words. He didn’t look fully convinced, but he nodded slowly, as if to acknowledge that it was a possibility. The swirling dimmed a little more. He looked at his feet, refusing to look at the other in the face. 

“Let’s just go, alright?” said Hinata, getting up from the bed and turning his face towards the ceiling. He touched his nose to check if it was still bleeding - it wasn’t, thankfully. He smiled at Komaeda, who was standing by the door. He must have looked creepy, or at least a little stupid, because Komaeda gave a small tentative smile in return. Komaeda opened the door and locked it behind them as the two stepped in the cool night air.

They walked together to the dining hall in silence, Komaeda behind Hinata. He knew Mikan would likely still be eating, hopefully not with too many people. Hinata knew Komaeda disliked loud sounds and places. Before they entered, he stopped and turned around. 

Komaeda was visibly nervous, playing with the sleeve of his jacket and still refusing to look at Hinata in the eyes. The sky above them looked much more peaceful, as the blood red faded to a warm brownish black. If he concentrated enough, he could see the stars, and while they weren’t as striking as in the simulation, they were just as beautiful. And they were real. 

The moon was full that night, and it was right above Komaeda, looking over him. The rays reflected on his hair, making it look almost like a halo. His already soft features were softer still in the moonlight, his dark eyebags fading a little and the prominence of his cheekbones hidden. He looked... pretty. Hinata felt blood rush to his cheeks, and hoped that the moonlight would camouflage his blush. He sighed.

“H-hey, are you okay? Sorry for getting mad at you, I know you don’t do it on purpose,” he said, clearing his voice. Hinata knew he had gotten too upset earlier, but all things considered he didn’t think he had done too bad. He did get Komaeda to come with him, after all.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Hinata-kun, but… thank you, I suppose. Although I don’t understand why you would ever care about my feelings,” replied Komaeda. He was still playing with the sleeve of his jacket. 

“I think…” Hinata paused, trying to collect his thoughts in a way the other would understand. He had learned the hard way that statements like  _ I care about you  _ or  _ We’re friends  _ never worked on Komaeda, never seemed to calm him down. “I think that you were right, in the simulation, we are similar. And I think that I’m starting to understand you more. But I’m gonna get things wrong sometimes, just like you. And when  _ you  _ get things wrong, you apologize to literally everyone around you. So, I want to apologize when I do. It’s only fair.”

Komaeda went quiet at that. He seemed lost in thought, looking away towards the empty pool, his shadow extending towards Hinata. He still looked concerned. 

Hinata moved to stand next to Komaeda, looking over the pool. They wanted to fill it to have a pool party, at least once, but convincing the Future Foundation to send them chlorine had proven to be unexpectedly challenging. He saw Komaeda tense his shoulders as went to stand next to him, although they relaxed almost immediately. He studied his profile, his straight nose and his lips and the mess that was his hair. Komaeda was slightly uncomfortable at the attention, his eyes darting back and forward from the pool to Hinata and back again. Hinata chuckled and turned his gaze forward. With bravery that he never knew he had, he held out his hand for Komaeda to take.

Komaeda looked at it, then back at Hinata, like he couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Hinata sighed and shook his hand again, as if to say,  _ are you gonna take it or what? _ Komaeda laughed nervously and carefully held out his artificial hand. Hinata shivered as the cool metal made contact with his skin, but he interlocked their fingers together and gave Komaeda’s hand a small and comforting squeeze. With the corner of his eye, he saw the corners of Komaeda’s lips turn up. It was an honest, unsuspecting smile. Hinata hoped he would see it again; he didn’t think he could ever get tired of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! First of all, I'd like to give a HUGE thank you to everyone that read, left kudos, comments, and bookmarks last chapter! It means a lot to me. Next chapter should be up by next week, I'll try to upload every Saturday night if I can! 
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> There's a VERY brief discussion of suicide and self-harm. It's strictly related to Komaeda's death. It takes place at the very end of the chapter, so please be careful! It takes place right after the "miserable bystander" talk, and finishes in the line that starts with Hinata saying "You don't". I hope that was clear, I'm not used to doing trigger warnings! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it!

Hinata and Komaeda stood there, holding hands, for what seemed like ages. Hinata could see Komaeda’s profile out of his green eye. His white hair blended into the moon, his eyes were fixed on the horizon. He looked beautiful, in the night. He looked beautiful in the day too. Hinata realized he felt butterflies in his stomach. He turned around to speak, to say anything, but he was interrupted by the sounds of people shutting the door and walking down the stairs. Immediately, Komaeda let go of Hinata’s hand, his once peaceful expression turning controlled and almost sour. _Wonderful,_ Hinata thought as he rolled his eyes and turned towards the noise. He saw Hiyoko and Mahiru walking down the stairs and chatting animatedly. Maybe it was for the best that Komaeda had let go of his hand, considering that, while Mahiru was kind (if not nosy), Hiyoko was truly a menace.

“Hi, losers!” Hiyoko exclaimed, skipping down the steps. Her pink kimono wooshed with every step she took. She looked like she was dancing even as she did something as simple as walking down the stairs, her gait as graceful as a deer's. She was holding Mahiru’s hand and forcing her to keep up with her pace. Mahiru grumbled fondly as she walked down the stairs, a fond smile on her lips despite her calls for Hiyoko to slow down.

Hinata replied with a soft “hmm”, as Komaeda greeted them both kindly. Hinata was honestly a little angry that they had ruined the moment; him and Komaeda had been getting along so well, for a second...  


“Good night, Saionji-san and Koizumi-san!” Komaeda said, smiling softly at them. “How was your dinner?”

Hiyoko completely ignored his question, instead stopping directly in front of Hinata. He looked down at her. Even if she had grown by a lot, she was still shorter than him.  


“What are you two doing by the pool, huh? Having a quick… woah, what happened to your nose, big bro Hinata? It looks even uglier than usual!” she asked, taking out a packet of gummies from her pocket and plopping one into her mouth. Hinata still asked himself why on Earth the Future Foundation bothered to send them gummies but categorically refused chlorine for the pool. 

Hinata’s eyes darted to Komaeda for a quick second. “I fell”, he said quickly. Komaeda gave him a surprised look.

“That’s not true, Hinata-kun, there’s no need to lie for someone like myself,” Komaeda chided, then bluntly explained. “He was checking on my hand and I accidentally hit him in the face."

“Well, that’s just weird,” Hiyoko replied, making no attempt to cover her mouth while she talked. 

“It’s not  _ that  _ weird,” said Hinata, feeling oddly defensive.

“Hmmm… no, it’s definitely weird,” she said, with characteristic certainty in her voice.  


"Is not!", he exclaimed. He was definitely feeling defensive now.

"Is too!", replied Hiyoko.

_ Whatever,  _ thought Hinata. Like  _ Hiyoko  _ had a monopoly on knowing what counted as weird. He tried to calm down a little. He knew Hiyoko was trying to get on his nerves on purpose. She had grown up since the game, not only physically. Mahiru’s death had affected her a lot; he could tell the Hiyoko in front of him was closer to the one after Fuyuhiko’s apology than the one before. Sometimes, she was even kind to Mikan. But most of the time she was still absolutely insufferable.

“Aaaalright, I think we should go,” Mahiru interjected, grabbing Hiyoko by the shoulders and leading her down the path of the hotel towards the cottage they shared. “Have a good night!” she called out.

“Yeah, I bet they will!” was Hiyoko’s response. Hinata gave a panicked look to Komaeda, who was still smiling peacefully. He felt his heart slow down a little.

He heard Mahiru gently scolding Hiyoko as they entered the cottage they shared. Hinata sighed. He looked at Komaeda next to him, who looked lost in thought. He gave Komaeda’s shoe a little kick, smiling as the other looked back down at him in confusion.

“Okay, let’s go, huh?”

They walked up the stairs of the restaurant in silence. As they walked in, he let out a breath of relief. Thankfully, most people had finished their dinner; Mikan, Ibuki and Peko were still there, huddled over a table and sipping what smelled like… hot chocolate? Really, in the middle of summer? 

“Hajime-chan! Nagito-chan!”, exclaimed Ibuki, waving at them over the table. Peko greeted them with a nod and a small smile, then she took another sip of her hot chocolate. Mikan turned around with a quiet, stuttering hello, until she saw Hinata’s nose. She threw her hot chocolate on the table, spilling it all over, and ran over to them.

“Ow, Mikan! I’m fine, relax! It was bleeding a little, earlier, but it’s pretty much stopped, a-and” he said as she forced him to sit over a chair and look up so she could look better at his nose. “Ow, Mikan! That hurt!”

“W-what did you do? Did you hit something?” she asked, touching it softly with her fingers.

“That would be my fault,” said Komaeda, and refused to elaborate. He was standing near the door, away from everyone else. Hinata tried to open to his mouth to explain until he was interrupted by a loud, sing-songy voice.

“Wh-wh-whaaaaaat? Did you guys get in a fight or something? Wow! Ibuki-chan would have liked to have been there, she would have placed a bet if she knew you guys were fighting! Who won?” Ibuki asked as she looked over at Hinata, doing a little spin in her spot. She looked very excited, like a little kid in line for a roller coaster ride. 

“Alright, please w-wait in this position, I’m gonna go get some ice,” said Mikan, turning around and leaving for the kitchen in a hurry. Her white sneakers tapped loudly against the floor.

“We didn’t get in a fight, Ibuki. I was checking out his new hand and I got distracted and he accidentally hit my nose. It’s fine, it’s really not a big deal,” he said, sighing tiredly. Ibuki looked immensely disappointed.

_ What… w-why does she want us to have a fight this much?,  _ thought Hinata, a little concerned for his own safety.  


“Oof, I wish you guys had gotten into a fight! I think Hajime-chan would win, because Izuru-chan, but you guys are both lucky, right? So, maybe not! Maybe Nagito-chan could beat you!”, she stated, thinking out loud. Hinata sighed. He knew what this would lead to.

“Me? Beating the Ultimate Hope? Ha! I sincerely doubt a talent as worthless as mine could ever beat the Ultimate Hope…! Mioda-san, thank you for your faith in me, but I assure you it is unwarranted. After all, I could only dream to” he started saying, before interrupting his train of thought. He held the edges of his shirt, a bead of sweat falling down his temple. “No, no, I am getting ahead of myself. I could not even dream of having a talent as amazing, as breathtaking, as the Ultimate Hope! Perhaps I did, once, but not after all this! I am beyond honored, but Mioda-san, please, I could never…” his eyes were starting to get swirly again. Hinata felt more than a little embarrassed. He wished the Earth would swallow him whole. Thankfully, Ibuki was there.

“Alright, alright, we get it, Nagito-chan!” she laughed, a bit uncomfortable. “I bet Peko-chan could beat all of you!”

Hinata heard Peko chuckle softly. He looked at her through his semi-closed eyelids. She still wore her grey hair in two braids, a bamboo sword ever-present on her back. In many ways, she looked unchanged, but her time in the simulation, however brief, clearly had an effect. She was still withdrawn, but she was slowly starting to get along with everyone else. She preferred to hang around people like Ibuki, who could do most of the conversation for her. Or Fuyuhiko, of course.  


Ibuki started to spin Hinata's chair around. She was clearly getting bored waiting for Mikan. Hinata held on, hoping the nurse would return quickly. Thankfully, not a second later,  Mikan returned with a packet of ice and softly placed it on his nose. It provided immediate relief. Hinata let out a happy sight.

“Alright, I don’t think it’s broken, b-but please keep this ice packet on your nose for a little while!” she said. She grabbed Hinata’s hand and placed it over the ice packet, ensuring that he wouldn’t move it. Hinata was pleasantly surprised by how assertive she was being.

Mikan, unlike Peko, had changed from the simulation. Hinata wasn’t there when she woke up; he didn’t know if he could have dealt with a Mikan still in the grasp of despair. Thankfully, Sonia had been the one on duty. The first time he saw her was a couple of days later, wandering the halls of the hospital and weeping for someone who had died long ago. Her hair reached her lower back, and it was dirty and unkempt and cut in different lengths as always. It looked like long tendrils stuck to her frame. In her pale blue hospital gown, Hinata had truly thought she was a ghost. She had screamed for Junko, her voice hoarse from lack of use, as she cried and held her stomach. He had tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t even let him come near her, so he just stood there until the doctors and Sonia arrived. He remembered feeling absolutely useless.

Since then, Mikan had cut her hair in a short bob. It was even, finally, and she looked great. She was eating and sleeping much better than she had when they first woke up. At first, like Souda, she found herself unable to use her talent, feeling like it had caused other people too much harm. Hinata had to step in, fulfilling the role as best as he could with whatever talents they had built him with. But after about a month, he walked into the pharmacy as Mikan was taking inventory, and he knew that she was ready. 

It had been a little hard for everyone to trust Mikan, at first. Hinata had wanted to call the others hypocritical; they were all part of Ultimate Despair, after all - Mikan only had the misfortune of remembering. But he didn’t feel like he could. Back then, when he was Izuru, he had barely found them interesting enough to talk to. He remembered Komaeda in particular hanging out around him like a fly to a rotten apple. Given his past as Izuru, Hinata was sure that any condemnation of their behavior would have been seen as unfair and unwarranted, so he refrained from commenting. When Ibuki had woken up and told Mikan that she'd forgiven her, he had almost started crying with gratitude. One by one, the others came to understand, and slowly accepted Mikan into the group. It was still uneasy, but it was good. It was getting better.

He smiled at her. “Okay. Thank you, Mikan,” he said, holding his ice pack up to his nose. 

“Yes, thank you, Tsumiki-san. I apologize for any distress I’ve caused, Hinata-kun”, said Komaeda. Hinata rolled his eyes.

Mikan jumped a little as she heard Komaeda’s voice from behind her, and turned around to face him. “O-oh! S-s-sorry, Komaeda, I f-f-forgot you were h-here!,” she said nervously. She looked at the ground and started playing with her hands, clearly more than a little agitated. 

Well, that was strange. Thinking about it, he didn’t think he had seen Mikan and Komaeda interact since the simulation. Maybe he should have insisted on going to the nurse by himself. Maybe Mikan still hadn’t forgiven Komaeda. But she wasn’t alive for his whole bomb thing, and Hinata knew that Mikan would feel like she had no room to judge… so why was she nervous?

“Mikan-chan, it’s fine! It’s just Nagito-chan, after all! Didn’t you tell Ibuki-chan you wanted to tell him something?” prodded Ibuki.

Mikan turned around, shushing Ibuki with her finger. Ibuki shrugged, smiling a little deviously.

“That’s true, Mikan. You told me you wanted to talk with Komaeda. He’s here, so why not now?” said Peko.

Mikan clearly wanted them to drop the subject, but Ibuki shoved her softly. Hinata felt incredibly out of the loop. He looked at Komaeda as if to ask  _ do you know what this is about?,  _ but the other looked just as confused as he was. 

“R-right, I-I just wanted to apologize!!” exclaimed Mikan, going red and crossing her arms together. “For, for what I said to you during the game, in the t-trial! I-it was so out of line, I’m s-so sorry! I’ll do anything for you to forgive me, p-please forgive me please! Please, please, please forgive m-me!”

Hinata had no idea what Mikan was talking about. She looked to be on the verge of tears. He looked at Komaeda, whose eyes were wide and agitated. He was staring at Mikan like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Ibuki walked up to Mikan and put her hand on her shoulder, rubbing her thumb on it slowly as if to calm the other one down slightly. Mikan had jumped a little when Ibuki touched her, but relaxed upon seeing the other girl’s brightly colored nails. Blue, green, orange, pink, yellow. Any color but red.

“R-right, sorry, old h-habits. You d-don’t have to forgive me. I j-just wanted you to know that I was sorry and that I, umm, I understand why you would be mad at me and I understand that what I s-said to you was hurtful,” she said, looking a little more sure of herself. Hinata was very taken aback by the change. He was proud of her, but just how much had his friends changed without him realizing? And what was going on?

Komaeda’s face shifted into a smile, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Tsumiki-san. There’s nothing to forgive; after all, you were right,” he said. His tone was strangely carefree. He glanced at Hinata, who was frowning in confusion. He still didn’t understand what was going on. Komaeda looked a little steadier as he noticed Hinata’s confusion, his stance more confident.

“B-but, I was not right! I was w-wrong! I t-think that y-you… deserve t-to be”, she started saying, before Komaeda interrupted with a breathy giggle. “Please, Tsumiki-san. We both know that’s untrue. If you don’t mind, I’d like to return to my cottage. Unless you need scum like me for anything else, I suppose.”

As silence fell into the room, Komaeda smiled again. “Well, looks like I was right! Good night, Pekoyama-san, Mioda-san, Tsumiki-san, Hinata-kun.”

He turned around, his long coat swirling against his figure. He didn’t wait for a good-night back, opening the door and vanishing into the moonlight.

The rest of the people in the diner looked at each other in utter confusion. He heard Mikan whimper a little, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Ibuki put an arm around her, comforting her. Hinata felt like he was intruding, so he stood up and walked towards the door, ice packet on his nose, and stared at Komaeda’s figure as it made its way to his cottage. He walked with his head held high. Hinata felt Peko approach him from behind.

“Do you know… what they were talking about?” she asked carefully, her voice calm and low.

“No, I have no idea,” he replied bitterly. Did Peko know? “Do you know?”

She pointedly ignored his question, making him think she did know very well. “I think… I think you should ask Komaeda, Hinata”, she said. “I think that Komaeda should have someone that he can count on, someone to talk to. Perhaps a friend.”

Friend? But they were friends… well, maybe they weren’t… and Chiaki... it was all so confusing. 

“Right, well, I’ll leave you guys to it I suppose. Goodnight, I guess”, he said. The girls wished him goodnight in response, huddled around Mikan. He walked into the moonlight, in the echoes of Komaeda's footprints. He didn’t know whether he should go after Komaeda, whether the other should be alone. Maybe company would only make him worse?

_ Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk about it to a Reserve Course student, _ he frustratedly thought as he walked in the cold air of the night. 

Hinata turned the corner, entered his cottage and flung himself on the bed. It wasn’t that late, probably like 10 PM or so, but he was exhausted. And yet, he found himself thinking about that strange conversation with Komaeda. What had Mikan said? During the game… during the third trial?

He closed his eyes. Hinata - well, Izuru - had perfect memory, and Hinata could access it as well if he concentrated hard enough. He usually didn’t want to remember, but he would make an exception this time. For his friends.

Hinata revisited the third trial, Mikan’s own. He remembered her eyes, the despair swimming in them, her talk of her beloved, Junko. He wondered what she had been like when she was Ultimate Despair, how many lives she had taken under the pretense of fixing people. Whether it had been… efficient. Somewhere deep in his mind, he felt a wave of revulsion; not wholly at Mikan, but at himself as well. He shoved away the thought, returning to the trial, to Mikan’s goodbyes. He saw himself, eyes of the same color and without ugly scars on his head, and remembered feeling utterly hopeless. Two more murders, and another execution. He saw Komaeda, visibly younger and with slightly rosier cheeks, confronting her, looking as disgusted as Hinata felt, both then and now. And then, he saw Mikan, her hair more unkempt than usual, her expression cruel. She opened her mouth.

"You don't understand? Is it because you don't have anyone to love? Is it because you're also someone who isn't accepted by anyone? … What a pity. I feel sorry for you."

_ Oh,  _ thought Hinata. Now he understood. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. 

The moon shone out of the window, the same moon that was overlooking him and Komaeda earlier. They had been… holding hands… he felt blood rush up to his cheeks.  _ No, that’s not the time to think about that.  _ He shoved another  thought out of his head. 

So Komaeda still thought like that. He had been separating himself from everyone, but Hinata had thought he was above loneliness. He thought that Komaeda saw his existence as serving some higher purpose that none of them could comprehend, and that everything else didn’t matter. Even then, he didn’t wish for Komaeda to be hurt. Hinata didn’t realize that he had been lonely. Then, he realized Komaeda had literally told him he was lonely, back in the simulation.  _ How am I so stupid?,  _ he thought a little desperately. Komaeda had quickly covered it up with a lie, but it wasn’t a very believable one.

Was Hinata even good enough to be Komaeda’s friend? Wasn’t he just a lowly Reserve Course student, after all, by Komaeda’s own admittance? Someone who literally sold himself out to be special? Wasn’t he utterly pathetic? 

Hinata sighed, and tried to distract himself. He knew he was pathetic, he didn’t need to reflect on it _all the time_. So, he tried to think about Komaeda instead.

In the game, Hinata had thought Komaeda was crazy. He gleefully talked about placing the knife under the table, wanting to kill the Impostor, wanting to be killed in return as a stepping stone for hope. And then, the bombs, his corpse, the video, and Chiaki’s execution. He wanted to murder them all - except for the traitor. But, he still had questions ruminating in his mind, things that didn’t make sense. Why did Komaeda leave the poison in the fridge of his cottage, rather than the one at the pharmacy or in the kitchen? Why the pink box on the desk? Had he truly become so arrogant that he didn’t think they were smart enough to figure it out?

Hinata really wanted to ask him. Could he? What was wrong with getting up and walking up to Komaeda’s cottage right now? It wasn’t that late, and he knew by the eyebags under his eyes that Komaeda liked to stay up late. He sat up from bed, reaching for his shoes, but he hesitated. Seeing Komaeda today,  _ again _ … could Hinata really handle it? What if he did something stupid?  


It was all so confusing. His stomach fluttered a little in his stomach. Hinata ignored it. On some level, he supposed he knew what the butterflies and the blushing really meant, but he didn’t really want to acknowledge it. He felt a tired laugh escape his lips. Out of everyone on the island, he had to pick someone who probably hated him more than he hated himself. That was quite an achievement.

He didn’t even realize when he fell asleep.

  
  
  
  
  


The next morning, Hinata woke up early. It was a little strange for him, since he usually woke up at around 8 AM, a left-over of his habits during the game. He checked the clock next to his bed. 6 AM. He had slept peacefully, a welcome change from the uneasy rest that usually plagued him. He couldn’t remember his dream exactly, only that it had something to do with clouds.

Hinata rubbed his eye. He had slept in his clothes, he noted with a sigh. He stood up and took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and put on a red t-shirt and a pair of shorts. It was humid outside, and although it was only 6, Hinata knew that it was going to be a hot day. He put on his shoes and went to the restaurant, half-asleep and aching for coffee. Teruteru probably wasn’t awake yet, but he could whip up some food for himself - he was the Ultimate Cook too, after all. He would probably just have toast, though.

He walked into the restaurant, finding it empty. However, his ears picked up the sound of a toaster coming from the kitchen. Somehow, he would know who would be waiting for him in the kitchen. He sighed and opened the door, his expectations proven correct.

“Morning, Komaeda,” he said. Komaeda was facing away from him, towards the toaster. His shoulder tensed for a second, then immediately relaxed. He didn’t turn around.

“Good morning, Hinata-kun! You’re up early today,” noted Komaeda. He wasn’t wearing his parka right now, just a long-sleeved white shirt, a pair of forest green trousers, and his infamous zipper shoes. Hinata smiled.

“Yeah, I just woke up early. So, do you usually wake up this early as well? Is that why I never see you at breakfast?” Hinata asked as he made his way to the coffee machine. He was one of the few who used it regularly on the island - it was just him, Mahiru, Impostor, Ryota and Peko for all he knew. He distractedly wondered whether when Impostor was impersonating someone his coffee preferences would change as well. He put some ground coffee in the machine and turned it on, taking one of his green mugs from the cupboard.

He heard Komaeda hum in agreement. “Yes, I like to wake up around 5:30. It’s usually better for everyone if I eat my meals by myself.”

Hinata scowled at his remark. At that point, Komaeda’s toast pinged. He heard the other take the toast and start to make his move to the dining room, but Hinata didn’t want to stop talking yet. Komaeda might decide he wanted to eat in his cottage, or something. He racked his brain for something to say.

“W-wait, Komaeda, could you do me a favor and please make me some toast? I’m pretty hungry...” he asked, trying to keep his voice casual. He hoped Komaeda couldn’t see his cheeks from where he was, because he was sure he was getting red.

“Hmm, Hinata-kun, how the tables have turned…”, he practically heard Komaeda’s smirk through his voice. He felt himself blush a little harder. “Last time, when I needed food, I remember you leaving it on the floor without helping me… but it’s all water under the bridge, I suppose. Of course, I’ll make you some toast.”

He felt Komaeda move behind him and return to the toaster. He smiled a little as the coffee machine finished making his coffee, then opened the fridge and poured some milk in the mug. Hinata mixed the contents with a spoon and took a sip, leaning against the counter. He looked at Komaeda, who was still studying the toaster. His eyebags looked worse today. 

“Did you sleep alright?”, he found himself asking, concern transparent in his voice.

Komaeda paused slightly before answering, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. “No more than usual,” he replied vaguely. 

Hinata took a sip of his coffee in response. He felt much more awake than earlier.  


“Do you want coffee? I can make you some, if you’d like,” Hinata asked politely.

“No thank you, Hinata-kun, I much prefer tea,” Komaeda replied. 

“Then I’ll make you some tea!,” he said, looking at Komaeda from above his mug. 

Komaeda had no reaction other than a smile dancing across his lips. “Oh, please, there’s no need to concern yourself with making my tea. Someone with your talents shouldn’t be making tea for someone like me.”

Hinata sighed. “Don’t be stupid, Komaeda, it’s just tea. And besides, I’m just a Reserve Course student, remember?”

He took another sip of his coffee and set down his mug, opening the cupboard to look for the ones Komaeda used. While he didn’t usually have meals with the rest of his friends, he had noticed him in the restaurant in the middle of the afternoon or late at night, so he knew he should use the ones on the far left of the cupboard. He picked one with a soft pink rose pattern, and started boiling water in the kettle. They only had black tea left, so he supposed that would have to do. As he waited for the kettle to boil, he turned around again. Komaeda was looking at him.

Hinata cleared his throat. Komaeda immediately looked away, his cheeks slightly pink. Hinata felt a little hot in the face. He thought about whether he should say something, when the toaster finally pinged. 

_ Oh, thank God,  _ he thought, as Komaeda removed the pieces of toast and set them on a plate next to his own. The water was boiling, too; he poured it into the mug and let it steep for a while before adding milk and handing it to Komaeda. Unfortunately, Komaeda had the same idea at the same time, so they both held two mugs and two plates. Hinata let out an awkward laugh.

“Well, let’s just go sit down, then we can exchange them when we’re sitting,” he said, before moving into the restaurant. He noticed Komaeda wasn’t following him. “Are you coming or not?”

Komaeda startled a bit and nodded. Hinata knew what was going on in his head right now, probably something about not being worthy of sitting with an Ultimate, or maybe about being too good to sit with a Reserve Course student. Either way, he didn’t really care.

He put the mugs down and helped Komaeda with the chair before sitting down on his own. He took another sip of his coffee and started putting strawberry jam on his toast. He felt Komaeda’s eyes on him.

“What?” he asked as he spread the jam out.

“Nothing… I just didn’t think you’d like strawberry jam, that’s all. I like apricot better,” the other replied.  _ Of course  _ Komaeda had jam opinions.

Hinata shrugged in response and took a big bite of his toast. He started thinking about what he had to do today. He needed to exercise with Akane and Nidai, which was sure to be immensely painful, but he couldn’t keep putting it off. And then, he had promised Ibuki to help with renovating the Titty Typhoon on the third island. It was sure to be a long day, he noted with a sigh. 

Komaeda, in the meantime, had taken out the book he was reading yesterday. Hinata looked at him as he read. He looked focused but peaceful, his soft grey eyes quickly moving through the pages. He was a fast reader. The corners of Hinata’s lips curled upwards slightly. This was nice, calming. He was enjoying the silence, his mind feeling more at ease than it had for a while - maybe even more than at the beach. Komaeda, for how weird and overwhelming he could be, always had the weird power of making him feel better, even back during the game. It wasn’t only before the first trial, either; the handful of times that they had hung out one-on-one hadn’t been unpleasant, not before Komaeda revealed his entire life story to Hinata. Even then, Hinata continued to seek Komaeda's company.

After Komaeda had turned against them in the Fun House, Hinata had attempted to talk to him. Komaeda had said that while he was happy he asked someone like him, he was busy and he should hang out with the others. He had sounded a little sad, bittersweet. That memory made him ache a little. Peko’s words, about how Komaeda needed some company, clearly rang out in his head. He looked away, out of the window. The clouds from yesterday hadn’t left; they were getting closer. 

He took another sip of his coffee. He was nearly finished with the toast. He looked back at Komaeda, and noticed his eyes darting from Hinata’s face to the page. Hinata felt a blush creep between his cheeks.  _ Ugh, I cannot keep doing this every time he looks at me,  _ he thought, a little desperately. He clapped his hands together, trying to diffuse the awkwardness that had once again invaded their conversation.

“So! Komaeda!” he exclaimed. That was probably way too loud. He lowered his voice a little. “Wanna hang out later?”

“Wh-what?” Komaeda spluttered. He set the book down quickly, making his mug full of tea tremble. Hinata caught it quickly before it spilled everywhere.

“You know, like in the simulation,” Hinata cringed at his choice of words. He tried to make up for it with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. “Well, no, not exactly like in the simulation, you know, just like… two normal guys, hanging out together! Let’s go on a walk!”

“Umm... sure, Hinata-kun, I would like that. Although, you want to spend time with someone like me… are you worried I’ll do something like in the game? You know, I wouldn’t really do something like that again, not unless I had a very good reason for it…” Komaeda said. Hinata chose to ignore his last words.

“Y-yes, let’s hang out! Just a walk, at around… 5? What do you think?” he asked, suddenly nervous. Was he doing the right thing? Did Komaeda really want to be friends with a reserve student? 

Before Komaeda could answer, two of the loudest people on the island burst in. Akane and Nidai. Perfect.

“GOOD MORNING, Hinata and Komaeda! What are you two doing here?!” bellowed Nidai. He was an intimidating presence even from the other side of the restaurant. Hinata could hear his voice as if he were standing right next to him. 

“Just having breakfast, Nekomaru-kun…” Komaeda answered pleasantly. 

“Oh, cool! Hinata promised to exercise with us until like 10, and now we’re all together! I’m starving, I feel like I could eat a whole cow right now!” Akane replied, practically drooling at the mouth. “What did you guys eat?”

“Oh, just toast and coffee…” said Hinata. 

“WHAT! Just toast and coffee! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! If you don’t eat enough, you’ll collapse, or my name isn’t NEKOMARU NIDAI! And, unless you want to end up on the floor while we run, you MUST join us for breakfast!” 

“What, you want me to eat again?” asked Hinata. He had been having a wonderful quiet morning, and now this… he loved Akane and Nidai, but he really did want to hang out with Komaeda. He shot a look at the other, who looked amused.  _ Asshole,  _ Hinata thought fondly.

“You call this EATING? Yes, sit down with us! I’m making protein shakes, pancakes, sausages, and maybe waffles!” Nidai shouted as he made his way to the kitchen. Hinata heard dishes rattling and the sound of something being taken out of the fridge.

Akane grabbed a chair and joined them at the table. She was skinnier than she used to be, but he still felt squeezed between them. His knees touched Komaeda’s now. Hinata tried really hard to not focus on the contact, but he still felt blood rush to his neck.

“Soooo, Coach Nekomaru was thinking that maybe we could run laps at first, then go for a swim,” said Akane. Hinata clearly must have looked hesitant, because she frowned. “Come on, Hinata, if you exercise with us I’ll let cha cop a feel!”

Hinata felt himself blush, although this time it was out of embarrassment rather than him being flustered. “What! I don’t wanna do that!” he exclaimed. He shot a look at Komaeda, who looked like he was enjoying this thoroughly.

“Eh, your loss…” she said, playing with her hair. “Hey, Komaeda, wanna come too?” she asked as an afterthought, although she didn’t seem particularly enthused by the possibility. Komaeda stood up as a response, smiling and shaking his head. 

“No thank you, Owari-san, I’m afraid I would only set you all back. I will return to my cottage to read,” Komaeda took his dishes and brought them to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink. Hinata felt a tinge of disappointment. 

As Komaeda walked out of the kitchen, he stopped, remembering something. He turned around and smiled at Hinata. “Oh right, Hinata-kun, I apologize for my forgetfulness. Would you like to meet at the hotel gate at 5?”

Hinata beamed. “Great, see you then!”, he exclaimed, waving at him as Komaeda excited the restaurant. He felt Akane’s eyes on him, and quickly dropped his hand in his lap.

“Why were you looking at him like that?”, she asked. He stopped himself from cringing a little. Akane had always been an honest person, after all. Hinata shrugged and took another sip of his coffee, masking his smile.

  
  
  
  


Hinata was so tired. It was almost 4:30 and he had been running errands all day. After the excruciating exercises with Nidai and Akane (when they meant running laps, by the way, they meant running across all five islands), he helped Ibuki with renovations, hanging up a brightly colored curtain. The Titty Typhoon brought back bad memories for both of them, but Ibuki seemed to be handling everything much better than he was. He was really thankful for her, even when she begged him to play drums for her new band. He had said yes, regrettably. He never really could say no to Ibuki. They had finished renovations at around 3, and he’d barely had time to grab some rice for lunch before he’d been carried away by Gundham who wanted to show him the eggs that his new bird friends had laid. 

On a normal day, this was when he would visit the beach and take a nap, lulled to sleep by the sound of soft ocean waves. But today was not a normal day. Hinata was currently sitting in his cottage, debating over what to wear. He had to shower again, since he probably stank, and… brush his teeth? Should he? Was that too…? 

_ Screw it, I’ll brush them anyway,  _ he thought. Good dental hygiene was important, he definitely cared about it very much and was not just thinking about the tiniest chance of anything happening. Not at all.

He ended up picking a black t-shirt and another pair of shorts, this time green. He threw on his sneakers and bolted out the door to the hotel gate. Komaeda was already standing there, reading his book and waiting.

“Hi, Komaeda,” Hinata said.

Komaeda closed the book and shoved it in a white tote bag, smiling at him. He was still wearing the clothes from earlier.  _ Huh, our pants kind of match,  _ thought Hinata. He suddenly worried about whether Komaeda would think he did it on purpose.  _ What, that’s stupid. Besides, Komaeda would probably like that, _ he thought.

“Hi, Hinata-kun! How was your day?” Komaeda asked, opening the gate for them to step through.

“Ugh, it was exhausting,” Hinata replied as he walked through. “I had to exercise with Nidai and Akane, then help Ibuki with the Titty Typhoon, then Gundham showed me his birds… but I’m not too tired for this walk!” he exclaimed suddenly, as though his words may have offended Komaeda. 

Komaeda chuckled a little as they started walking together. “Oh, me neither, Hinata-kun. I pretty much just read all day, it was utterly uneventful. Until now, that is.”

Hinata had no response to that. He hummed and looked left and right. “Right, where do you wanna go?”

“Oh, I have no idea! I thought since you asked, you had a destination in mind …?”

Hinata almost slapped his forehead.  _ Of course _ he should have thought of where to go. “Uhhh, I-I really don’t know Komaeda. Wanna… I don’t know, just walk around?”   


“Sure, if that’s what Hinata-kun wants to do! Let’s go left, then!” he exclaimed, turning towards the left. Hinata wondered if that was the lucky option, then turned and followed.

They talked about nothing in particular as they walked. Komaeda talked about his book, which he was  _ kind of _ enjoying, but not too much. Hinata talked about how Gundham’s baby birds looked kind of ugly, which made Komaeda laugh and then scold him a little. They were having fun, for once. It wasn’t weird - or, it wasn’t that weird. Hinata had quickly learned that there always was an inherent level of weirdness when you hung out with Komaeda. 

As they reached the ranch, Komaeda stopped. He looked around, clearly lost in thought. His thumb grazed over his lip.

“What, wanna squish mr. Ant?” joked Hinata, referring to Hiyoko’s frankly terrifying introduction. 

“No… I was just thinking about how nothing really happened here, you know? Here, and at the market, and the beach…” he said, his words soft.  _ Ah, he’s talking about the simulation, _ Hinata realized.

“Yeah, I guess. I haven’t really visited the barn, though I do like the beach. Maybe that’s why I like it so much,” he thought out loud. 

“Frankly, even if a murder had happened at the beach, it would not have spoiled it for me,” replied Komaeda. Hinata had no idea he felt that strongly about the beach.  _ I mean, it’s just a beach after all, right? _

“Well, I guess I understand that”, he said, even though he didn’t understand at all. Komaeda didn’t reply, and instead looked at the barn. “Wanna go in?” asked Hinata. He hadn’t been in the barn yet, and honestly he was kind of curious. 

Komaeda looked a little surprised, then smiled. “Sure, if that’s what Hinata-kun wants!”

They walked in. The barn was just… a barn. The roof was broken on the right side, and it still had a little hay from before the Tragedy, but thankfully it didn’t smell like animals. It had a faintly sweet smell instead, comforting and warm. Hinata and Komaeda looked around, suddenly underwhelmed. He wondered what the barn had been like during the simulation; he’d never even stepped in.

“Well, this is disappointing,” said Komaeda. 

Then, as if on cue, they saw lightning flash across the sky through the hole in the roof. It was followed by a loud boom of faraway thunder, and the sudden downpour of rain. Hinata should have known. He was the Ultimate Meteorologist after all, and those clouds looked full of rain. He supposed he just got too busy.

“Well, that’s just perfect”, said Hinata sarcastically. Komaeda didn’t look surprised in the slightest. He was standing awfully close to the hole in the roof, and was at risk of getting wet - or worse, struck by lightning or some other luck-related incident.

“Come on, Komaeda, let’s move next to the wall so we don’t get soaked,” said Hinata, and moved to move the other by touching his shoulder. Komaeda shifted before Hinata could touch him and nodded.  _ Alright, no touching shoulders,  _ noted Hinata.  _ At least, not now. _

He sat on the ground next to the wall and patted the ground next to him, inviting Komaeda to sit next to him. The other let his weight fall to the ground next to Hinata, pointedly looking away from him. 

“So, there’s no point in running to the hotel right now, we’re a little far and I don’t want to get drenched. I say we just wait it out. We’re on a tropical island, after all, it probably won’t last more than like 20 minutes,” he said. “Besides, the company’s good, right?”   


Hinata nudged Komaeda softly with his foot, hitting his shoe and causing the other to laugh softly. 

“Right,  _ your  _ company is good Hinata-kun, mine is surely detestable. Besides, I must apologize for the storm. I can’t help but feel as though it is my fault”, said Komaeda. 

Hinata frowned. “Those clouds have been looming over the island since yesterday. Even if it is your luck, we’re safe in here. Besides, I should have known this would happen; I’m the Ultimate Meteorologist, somewhere deep inside my brain, and those look like typical rain clouds,” he said, almost clinically. “A-and your company is not detestable, Komaeda!” he added quickly.

Komaeda shrugged noncommittally, unconvinced. “Surely, you’d rather get stuck here with someone like Souda-kun, or Sonia-san. Not me.”

Hinata sighed and looked away from Komaeda, towards the rain falling. His head was starting to hurt; no, not his head, his scars. He smoothed his hair down, almost as if doing that would magically soothe the weird pain he was feeling. At that moment, thunder exploded outside; he hadn’t seen lightning, so he couldn’t tell how far away it was. With the corner of his eye, he saw Komaeda flinch.

Hinata turned his head towards Komaeda. He was sitting with his hands enveloping his legs, his usual carefree smile replaced with an expression of fear and nervousness and wide eyes. It looked almost familiar. Hinata blocked out the image of Komaeda’s dead eyes, and instead thought about how he was alive and probably terrified.

“Hey, are you alright?” Hinata asked, concerned. He moved a little closer, then stopped as he saw Komaeda slightly retract.

“Y-yes, sorry, Hinata-kun. I don’t like loud noises, I’ve never liked them, but it’s been worse since… since the warehouse”, Komaeda replied. 

“Oh,” said Hinata softly. That was not good. He really didn’t want Komaeda to start thinking about the warehouse right now. He desperately wracked his brain to think about something to distract Komaeda with, shouting the first thing that came into his mind. “Umm, okay, let me sing to you then!”

“What?”, asked Komaeda, turning his head to look at Hinata and see if he was being serious. He looked very confused, although he saw Komaeda’s lips curl slightly as he looked towards him.

_ Good job, Hinata, that’s what you choose to go with? Singing?! _ , he thought, resisting the urge to slap his head.

“Uhh, yeah, since you don’t like the thunder, maybe you could focus on my voice instead…?”, he said, trying to explain himself. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me; we could just talk, it would literally be the same thing…"

Komaeda laughed, his grey eyes crinkling at the corners. It was such a different laugh than the breathy one he’d heard at the trial, more melodious. It was freer, too, and sweet, and kind. Hinata wondered what Komaeda would be like without his luck, for a second. Maybe he would be happier, maybe he would laugh like that more often. Hinata ached for a moment. The truth was, Komaeda could never get rid of his luck, just like Hinata could not get rid of his talents. Without it, he wouldn’t be the Komaeda he had come to know so well, for better or for worse. Someone he really did care about.

“You can sing if you want to, Hinata-kun. I’d never want to miss that,” Komaeda said, smiling fondly. He looked like he had little stars in his eyes. Hinata snorted.

“Oh, alright, like you’re such a great singer yourself,” Hinata said, no bite underneath it.

“No, not at all! My voice sounds like a toad!” the other replied cheerily. 

“Right, sure”, Hinata said. A few seconds passed, thunder rumbled in the distance. Komaeda’s shoulders tightened, and Hinata felt the urgent need to speak. “Alright, what do you wanna talk about?”

Komaeda looked pensive for a second, then looked away and played with his hair. “Well, I did have a question for Hinata-kun. Although, I don’t want to… make him uncomfortable.”

Hinata felt like a rug had been pulled out under his feet. He hoped he wouldn’t ask anything too weird. But talking was good for Komaeda, he knew that. He knew that to help him heal, to help his friends heal, he had to be ready to face his own past. “You don’t have to worry about making me uncomfortable, Komaeda. Please tell me.”

Hinata mentally prepared himself for whatever outlandish thing Komaeda was about to say. Maybe something about hope? Something about Izuru? He braced himself for the worst. 

“Of course I have to worry about making you uncomfortable!”, exclaimed Komaeda, looking almost offended. He gathered his thoughts, and ran a finger over his lips. “I was wondering… do you miss Nanami-san? Do you want to talk about her?”

_ Oh _ , thought Hinata. That was not what he had expected Komaeda to say in the slightest. He had prepared himself for insults about the Reserve Course, or something about hope or his talents. He had to concentrate for a second. The truth was, he hadn’t talked about Chiaki with anyone. Sonia, after they had woken up, had attempted to breach the subject with him, but he hadn’t been ready to talk about it. He sat in silence for a second, trying to collect his thoughts.

“Ah! If Hinata-kun does not want to talk about it, he certainly doesn’t have to! Scum like me would never dream to make you uncomfortable or sad!” Komaeda started saying, before Hinata shook his head.

“No, no, sorry, I was thinking. Yes, I miss her. She was… I cared about her,” he said. He looked down at his feet. The rain was just as forceful, forming a puddle on the dirt of the barn. He could hear the wind shifting trees outside, the angry ocean hit the beach.

Komaeda nodded. “I didn’t know her as well as you did, but I miss her too. I miss Nanami-san, both the real one and the fa-ah, sorry, the AI one,” he said, his words slightly stumbling over each other. Hinata didn’t really mind. He was thinking about Chiaki, her pink hair, her dizzy smile. She could make him feel so grounded in a way that people seldom could. He realized he had tears in his eyes, and quickly wiped them away.

“Chiaki was… she was so kind. She was special, to me. I remember sitting around the fountain with her, and playing video-games and losing horribly every time, but she’d never be mean about it. And in the game, she was different, but she was also the same, and I miss her still. I could always rely on her, no matter what,” he said. A silence lingered over the two of them.

“Did you love her?” Komaeda asked all at once, then closed his fingers over his mouth, as if he had accidentally let the question slide. Before Komaeda started beating himself up over what he’d said, Hinata answered the question.

“Yes,” he said, simply. He saw Komaeda look down, guilt clear in his eyes. “But I don’t think I loved her in the way that you’re asking. Maybe if she had been alive for longer, then, maybe… but there’s no point in thinking about what might have happened. I just miss her a lot.” He looked away, lost in thought.

“I’m sorry I killed her, Hinata-kun”, he said. Hinata gazed over at him. Komaeda was making direct eye contact now, as though he had practiced how this conversation would go a long time ago. His grey eyes looked like they were made of steel. They were steady and sure, and so different from their usual swirls. Hinata had tried to be mad at him, in the simulation and before the other woke up, but his being mad and hating Komaeda had always felt like a performance, like he felt he  _ should be  _ angry and upset. But he wasn’t, not really. 

“You didn’t kill her the first time, Komaeda. She was already dead,” he replied, not unkindly.

“Right, but she was just as real, after,” Komaeda said. He bit his lower lip out of nervousness.

“Yes, she was real. And I miss her. But I forgive you,” said Hinata. 

Komaeda nodded, letting out a shaky breath. Hinata didn’t really know if he believed him, but at least he told him. That had to count for  _ something. _

Komaeda looked around the barn, playing with the skull chain he still insisted on wearing. A few moments of silence passed. The sky was getting darker; the sun was setting, the rain still loud on the roof of the barn.

“Can I ask  _ you _ something, Komaeda?” Hinata asked, before he could regret it. He saw Komaeda nod. He took a deep breath. “Do you hate me?”

Komaeda looked incredulous, like he was expecting Hinata to ask anything but that. “How could I  _ ever _ hate you, Hinata-kun.” It didn’t even sound like a question, the way he said it. Hinata felt Komaeda’s eyes bore into his skull, and blushed a little, put on the spot.

“But in the game, you said…” Hinata started saying, before Komaeda quickly interrupted him.

“Are you crazy?” he spat out, his eyes wide with anger or something awfully similar to it. Hinata almost laughed at the irony of Komaeda calling  _ him  _ crazy. Like he was the one who had played Russian Roulette with five out of six bullets loaded. “What makes you think I hate you, Hinata-kun? I was expecting you to ask something much worse, like whether I... No, I don’t hate you, I could never ever hate you. You saved my life, you took me out of that pod. And even in the game, when I thought you were just a Reserve Course student, I never hated you. I knew you were talentless almost from the beginning, Hinata-kun, remember?” 

Hinata nodded as he recalled Komaeda telling him he felt the other as another “miserable bystander”. He found himself asking “Then why… why did you say all those things?”   


Komaeda scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was angry at you, Hinata-kun, because you were not born with a talent, you had yours given to you. I felt like that was unfair, like you cheated the system. And you had used all those talents and all that potential to do horrible things, but I hated that about all of us. I thought that we deserved whatever was about to come, and most importantly we deserved to suffer. Why do you think I hurt myself like that, in the game?”

Hinata supposed he hadn’t really thought about it. He hadn’t known that they were Ultimate Despair when they had uncovered the body, so he hadn’t put the two together. “To… punish yourself? For being Ultimate Despair?”

Komaeda nodded, looking away. “Of course! I deserved it, after all! And I do, still.”

“You don’t.” Hinata said, his voice firm. “I think you have suffered enough. I know you spend day in and day out torturing yourself, because I do it too. And I… I want to see you be happy.”   
  
“Why?”

“Because… because I care about you?” said Hinata, hopefully. “I mean, since you’ve said you don’t hate me, I feel like I should clarify that I don’t hate you. I never really could, not even in the game.”

“You... didn’t hate me?” Komaeda asked in a small voice. He sounded strangely hopeful.  


“I didn’t hate you, but I don’t think I ever understood you, to be honest. ” Hinata paused, trying to collect his thoughts. “I used to think that there was a you “before” and a you “after” the first trial, that you were lying to me about who you really were. The person from before the trial, he was kind and sweet and he made me feel safe, comfortable; the person after, not so much. Sometimes, when we hung out, the person from before would peek out, and it would make me feel… everything all over again. But that’s not the way it is now. I know that it’s all together, it’s all you. And I like who you are, Komaeda. Even if you don’t like it yourself, even if you think you’re worthless and undeserving, I care about you.”

Komaeda’s shoulders started shaking. “A-are you lying?”, he asked, his words a little broken. Hinata resisted the urge to touch him.

“Why on Earth would I lie about this? I’m not a liar, Komaeda. Neither are you. I know that now,” Hinata said. 

“How could you t-think I  _ hate you, _ ” said Komaeda, clearly struggling to get words out. Hinata pretended not to notice. “When you go and say things like t-that? When I owe you my life? When you hold my hand like… someone like me doesn’t deserve any of this, Hinata-kun. I killed Chiaki, and I killed so many other people, and I don’t-”

Hinata didn’t let him finish. He turned Komaeda by the shoulders, looking at his face. He had tears in his eyes, and his face was a little flushed with emotion. He held his hands between his own. A flash of lightning illuminated the sky, letting Hinata study Komaeda’s face for a second. He had freckles in the weirdest places; on his eyelids, over his top lip, on the tip of his nose. His face was angular but soft at the same time. His features looked as if they’d been carved with love and care. 

They stared at each other for a second that felt as long as a lifetime. Hinata’s brain went numb; all he could do was stare. He opened his mouth, hoping he could say something that Komaeda wouldn’t immediately reject.

“Komaeda, I forgive you. Even if you don’t forgive yourself. I promise you, I’ll be here no matter what.”

Another moment of silence. An eyelash fell on Komaeda’s cheek, and Hinata reached for it, a soft touch on the other’s cheekbone. Komaeda shivered as Hinata touched his face, his eyes closing. Hinata could barely handle it anymore. 

“You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t say that. You shouldn’t _ care about me _ ” said Komaeda, shifting back a little. “What about the luck cycle? You know that if you’re around me, I’m gonna  _ kill  _ you, and I could never live with that. It’s real, Hinata-kun, I’m not imagining it. It’s real!” He sounded distraught, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

“I know, I know it’s real. But just as hope comes out of despair, good luck comes out of bad luck, doesn’t it? And haven’t we had some of the worst luck in the world, Komaeda?” he said, smiling bitterly. Komaeda didn’t reply. Hinata tried another tactic.  


“I… I remembered what Mikan told you about the simulation. What she was talking about last night. And I know you told me yourself, that you wanted someone to love, but I know you weren’t lying. I like spending time with you, and I care about you. And… what I guess I’m saying is…”, Hinata tried to say. He felt his face flush. “Can you… would you like to be my friend?”

Komaeda clearly didn’t know how to reply. He saw his eyes shift around, running towards the door. “L-look,” Hinata said quickly. He hoped Komaeda wouldn’t suddenly bolt out the room into the rain; he’d certainly get sick. “You don’t have to tell me right now. For now, you just have to know that I’m here, if you need me. You might feel like that’s too much for you, but it’s my choice. I have good luck too, after all. And I want to be there for you.”

Komaeda nodded softly, his shoulders relaxing. He let out a long sigh, let go of Hinata’s hands, and sat back against the wall of the barn. Hinata hadn’t realized how close they were sitting until Komaeda moved. He missed the other’s knees touching his, even though they’d been there just a second earlier. 

Hinata leaned back against the wall, his shoulder close to Komaeda. They sat in silence for a while, watching the rain fall. He took an energy bar out of his pocket and offered it to the other, who declined without speaking. The minutes passed slowly, Hinata feeling Komaeda’s presence next to him. He wasn’t sure what to do - what  _ could  _ he do? Keep talking, after saying something like that? After laying his soul bare? Maybe it had been a mistake. Maybe Komaeda wasn’t ready yet, maybe he needed more time to understand that Hinata really cared about him. He had definitely been too presumptuous with his offers of friendship, Hinata realized. Besides, Hinata knew friendship wasn’t exactly the word he’d like to use to describe their relationship. But  _ that  _ with Komaeda, as much as he liked him, was almost impossible to conceive. Hinata was so selfish. He was selfish, and awful, and - 

He felt Komaeda lean against his shoulder. Hinata looked at him surprised. His eyes were closing; he was falling asleep. But he wasn’t asleep yet. Maybe he had leaned over on purpose. 

He looked at Komaeda as he drifted off into sleep. His expression was so much more peaceful, his gray eyes moving underneath his eyelids as he dreamt. Hinata sincerely hoped he was only dreaming of happy things. His hair was tickling Hinata’s neck, but he didn’t dare move him. He felt his heart, warm in his chest, every beat louder than before. Hinata felt himself nod off. Maybe Komaeda would say yes, if not right now, then tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that. Hinata smiled softly as he felt consciousness release him into sleep. He knew that he was willing to wait a lifetime if he had to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope (heh heh) you have enjoyed this chapter! I know there aren't a lot of other characters than Hinata and Komaeda in this one, but I wanted to explore Komaeda's character better. There will be plenty more of character interaction in the next one, so dw!
> 
> I also hope (again, heh) that this wasn't too melodramatic or if the tone didn't shift too fast. please do tell me if it was!
> 
> But yeah. Akane and Nidai are WLW/MLM solidarity. Also Hinata is like: I love all my friends <3 (except for Hiyoko). I just thought that scene would be funny so I put it in, I actually rather like Hiyoko. I don't dislike any SDR2 characters really because of nostalgia, even with Teruteru I'm like I don't like you but uhhh you're here. So I'll write for you I guess. Also, writing Ibuki is so much fun!  
>   
> Once again, I really appreciate any kudos and bookmarks! Thank you guys, I hope you're enjoying read this fic as much as I'm enjoying writing it! :-) Lots of love and see you all next Saturday (if finals don't kick my ass!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you as always for the kudos, bookmarks, and comments! There were so many comments last week, and they all were so kind, so thank you so much! And, we reached 666 views! Yay for satan!
> 
> Also, I had to do some editing to the description and stuff because I messed up the tags LOL also i hope you guys are ready for the FRIENDSHIP part of the fic. Kind of. Also, the early parts of this chapter have a LOT of fluff… wouldn’t it be a shame if things just… went wrong 0:)

Hinata opened his eyes, a familiar weight conspicuously absent from his shoulder. He had fallen asleep, he realized. With Komaeda’s head on his shoulder. Alright. That was new. He wondered if it had carried certain implications, on Komaeda’s part. Hinata knew how  _ he  _ felt - not that he wasn’t batshit scared of it, to be perfectly honest. 

Komaeda’s words rang in his head again. So, Komaeda didn't hate him. He hadn’t expected him to answer like that, to be honest. He couldn’t really believe it, but Komaeda wouldn’t lie like that to his face. _He had no problem letting me know how he felt in the game_ , Hinata noted bitterly.

In a flash, he ran through the conversation they had last night. Hinata hoped it wasn’t too sudden, or forward. He really didn’t want to scare Komaeda away; in fact, that was the last thing he wanted. Almost as if in a daze, Hinata looked around the barn - where was Komaeda? Had he left in the middle of the night?

The moonlight was shining through the hole in the roof of the barn. Hinata could see the stars from his position, spread out in the oddly warm-toned night sky. As always, they were beautiful. His eyes adjusted to the light slightly a bit, and he managed to spot Komaeda, enveloped by the shadows of the night. Unlike last night, the moonlight wasn’t reflecting on his hair; instead, it was pooling on the floor of the barn. Komaeda was looking up towards the sky, lost in thought, in what felt like an oddly private moment. Hinata felt like he was intruding a little. After all, he could only see Komaeda because of the experiments they did on his eyes. He was curious, though. Why did Komaeda move just to look at the night sky? Couldn’t he have done so from Hinata’s shoulder? They could have looked at them together, Hinata pointing out constellations that he somehow knew without ever actually learning about them. Komaeda would have listened and enthusiastically replied, as he always did whenever Hinata talked to him. But Komaeda had moved. And Hinata was definitely fine with that.

Komaeda looked down and started playing with his hands. He bit his lip and shivered a little, his eyes clearly full of thought. He looked unguarded, right now. Hinata wondered if Komaeda knew he was awake.  _ Probably not,  _ he decided. He realized that Komaeda most likely wouldn’t like the idea of Hinata staring at him in the middle of the night, not after the conversation they’d had just had. He knew Komaeda didn’t particularly like being vulnerable, and he had almost cried the night before. Hinata needed to give Komaeda space, and time to reflect and adjust as best as he could. He really didn’t mind waiting. They had time to spare, but it would take a little while, and that was okay. With a soft smile, he closed his eyes, trying to get back to sleep. 

Hinata woke up again a few hours later. He stirred, stretching his limbs. His back hurt. He had slept sitting up against the wall of a barn, after all. He opened his eyes. The sky was a soft pink now; the sun was rising. The rain had stopped, and a pleasant chill now wrapped itself around the island. It was probably around five in the morning. Once again, Hinata had woken up much earlier than he usually would. 

With the corner of his eye, he saw Komaeda shift beside him. He was sitting quite far apart from Hinata now, far enough for them not to accidentally touch during the night. But he was still there, and that meant something. He saw Komaeda open his gray eyes, immediately alert and awake. It was nice to see them first thing in the morning.

“Good morning... looks like the rain has stopped,” Hinata said, a little sleepily. He grinned and stretched a little more, trying to make his back feel normal again. He wasn’t really well-rested, but he wasn’t annoyed about it as he normally would be. 

Komaeda flushed a little, a soft pink dusting his cheeks. His hair was sticking up wildly after having slept outside his cottage, even more than usual. His eye-bags were still as pronounced as ever, but they looked natural in the morning light.

“Good morning, Hinata-kun,” he replied, looking away.  _ That was kind of weird,  _ Hinata thought, but discarded the thought as he got up. His legs felt heavy, so he shook them a little into action. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked Komaeda, who himself was stretching now. 

“Ah, I slept alright, thank you,” he replied. “What about you?”

“Hmm, it was fine,” replied Hinata. He decided not to mention his back, just in case Komaeda decided to go on an early morning self-hating spiral over being an inconvenience or something equally as stupid. “Wanna go back?”

Komaeda nodded and got up, clearing his hands on his lap. Hay fell on the ground as Hinata opened the door of the barn in silence. They started walking towards the hotel. As the sun gently rose in the morning sky, it became redder and harsher, coloring the world in warm light.  


Hinata and Komaeda walked side by side. Hinata sometimes stole quick glances, trying to make sure Komaeda was alright. He didn’t really look different than usual, at least not to him; if anything, he looked a little more relaxed. His hair was kind of funny, though; it was sticking up in a million different directions. Hinata wondered if it was soft to the touch, and then slapped his hand away for even thinking about it. His feelings were getting kind of embarrassing, to be honest. He supposed they weren’t exactly  _ new _ , although they had been buried deep. After Komaeda revealed his true self in the game - no, after he got to know Komaeda better, he had completely shut them away, not daring to even think about them. Hinata had been scared; he didn’t really know or understand what was going on, and it was a  _ killing game _ . He hadn’t worried about Komaeda’s mental state more than he had to for the safety of the group. Perhaps, he should have. Then maybe...

No, there was no point in thinking like that. It was in the past, and no matter how Hinata sometimes wished he could do it all over again, it would never change. For now, Hinata was just glad he had feelings again. When he was Izuru, he hadn’t really understood the point of romance and even friendship. Izuru understood the  _ concept  _ behind it: it was mutually beneficial, an exchange of companionship for emotional validation. But he didn’t understand the affection behind it. Or maybe he did understand, and he just refused to admit that he was lonely. 

Izuru’s memories were not clear to Hinata. It often felt like he was looking at his past through heavy glass. He remembered Junko, though. He recalled her clearly, her strawberry blonde hair and her boutique, perfumed stench. The expression she wore when she killed people, merciless and callous. The way that she had hurt all of his friends, and he hadn’t stopped her. He couldn’t forget - he wouldn’t  _ let  _ himself forget. There was too much to do.

For now, however, all Hinata could do was relegated on this island. And Komaeda was there, as were the rest of his friends, so it wasn’t all bad. He shot a quick look at the other, who was staring straight ahead. His eyebrows were furrowed, but his mouth was relaxed. The sky, getting redder, highlighted the few peach-colored strands left in his hair. Hinata wondered what he was thinking about. 

They were walking still, and getting closer to the hotel. The silence was pronounced, this time, like it held unspoken things; Hinata’s offer still rang in his ears, in both their ears. But it wasn’t  _ unpleasant. _ As they reached the hotel gate, Komaeda smiled at Hinata, a little tentatively. It was a nice smile.

“Hey, wanna grab something to eat?” Hinata asked. Komaeda hesitated for a second, then nodded. 

“Man, I’m starving,” said Hinata as they walked into the hotel. Komaeda nodded again. He hadn’t eaten anything last night either, after all. Thankfully, no one was around; it was way too early for any of his friends to be awake yet. It was peaceful and quiet, the usual noise and bustle silenced. They walked into the restaurant, finding it empty as well. It was a small blessing.

“I’ll make you some toast, Hinata-kun,” said Komaeda, heading towards the kitchen.

In the kitchen, Hinata filled the tea kettle with water for Komaeda’s tea, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. His was still a plain green, while he chose a blue wave-patterned one for Komaeda. He made himself some coffee while he waited, his back turned. He really wanted to ask Komaeda about what he thought. Seconds and minutes passed, the silence becoming more and more awkward. The water boiled. Hinata prepared the teabag and poured it in the mug, letting it steep. He was about to say something, when he heard Komaeda clear his throat behind him.  _ Oh, thank God,  _ he thought.

“Um, Hinata-kun, can we talk for a second?” asked Komaeda. Hinata turned around slowly. He was looking at the floor.

“Of course! About last night? About what I asked?” Hinata tried not to sound too hopeful.

“Yes. I just wanted to say, thank you for thinking about me. I certainly do not deserve that. I’m honestly unsure if I deserve to be around you. I know you’ve said you have forgiven me, but I have done some terrible things…” he trailed off. 

“It’s okay, Komaeda, I understand. Take your time; you don’t have to answer right now. But I’ve done terrible things, too,’ said Hinata. “I just think that… I know you haven’t replied to my question yet, but do you mind if we hang out with each other more? Not as friends, or whatever, I just like... I like to hang out with you.”

“Huh? You _like_ to hang out with  me _?”  _ Komaeda, once again, looked genuinely bewildered. Didn’t they just have this conversation yesterday?

“Y-yeah, I do,” said Hinata, sighing. “I… I can think better when I’m around you. I can… feel more. I feel more like… me, than… you know.  _ Him, _ ” he concluded weakly.  _ I also want to hang out around you because I genuinely enjoy spending time with you and care about you, and I don’t want you to be lonely,  _ he thought. But he couldn’t really say that, not yet. And it wasn’t like the Izuru thing wasn’t true. He  _ did  _ feel more like Hinata than Izuru when he was around Komaeda. 

Komaeda looked puzzled, but nodded, a little uncertain. The toaster pinged; it was ready. Coincidentally, Hinata was just about finished with steeping Komaeda’s tea.  _ How lucky,  _ he thought a little cynically. 

“So, Hinata-kun, when would you like to hang out?” asked Komaeda. Hinata thought about it. He was usually very busy during the day, and exhausted at night. 

“Want to have breakfast together again tomorrow morning?” he replied. Maybe he could make this into a routine, if he was lucky enough to convince Komaeda. He took a sip of his coffee.

“That would be fine with me, I suppose, although I don’t want you to have to wake up early every morning just for someone like…” Hinata interrupted him before he could finish. He stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

“Komaeda, it’s fine. I suggested it, after all. Let’s just eat now, okay?” he asked, picking up the tea and the mug of coffee. Komaeda smiled a little in response, and moved towards the restaurant. He almost tripped over nothing, but then immediately regained his balance, the four pieces of toast almost anchored to the plate. Hinata let out a chuckle with his nose and followed him in, shaking his head fondly. He really hoped they could do this every morning.

  
  
  


It had been a week since Komaeda and Hinata had fallen asleep in the barn. Since then, Hinata had succeeded in making breakfast a daily ritual. He had come to treasure the mornings he spent with Komaeda. The temperature was colder than what he was used to, but the coffee and tea were warm. He would chat about whatever had happened during the day before, and Komaeda would give him advice about how to handle things. They would talk about whatever books Komaeda was reading, or that he was thinking about maybe playing an instrument. Komaeda looked healthier every day. Hinata felt healthier, too, like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

That day had been very busy. He had finally heard back from the Future Foundation; apparently there had been some miscommunication, and they were unable to send their supplies until a week after planned. It was fine - they had enough to last longer. Their message had run a little late, so he was taking his dinner at around 10 PM. When Fuyuhiko and Souda had learned of this, they decided to wait for Hinata; he was currently eating leftovers from Teruteru’s dinner (just as delicious as when he’d first cooked them, of course) while the two were talking about something or other. Hinata wasn’t really paying attention. He had something else on his mind.

“So, Peko basically fucking  _ decked  _ him, in the end, and he literally cried,” said Fuyuhiko, telling a story about something that had happened in his childhood. Souda attempted to laugh, but he realized too late that he was drinking a cup of water. He shut his mouth and snorted, but it went up his nose, causing him to clutch it and make a horrified expression. Hinata smiled absent-mindedly. Fuyuhiko clearly found Souda’s accident much funnier than the story had been, because he started mercilessly making fun of him. 

“Dude, did water just go up your nose?” Fuyuhiko asked, laughing.  


“Yeah, and? What about it?” Souda replied, trying to shrug it off. 

They started bickering, Souda getting increasingly flustered and annoyed as Fuyuhiko teased him. As Souda and Fuyuhiko good-naturally insulted each other as they often did, Hinata started thinking about Komaeda again. He wondered what the other was doing right now. He was probably relaxing in his cottage, reading or drawing or whatever he did in his spare time that didn’t involve planning out unsolvable murder plans. Would he eat soon?  


Hinata knew that Komaeda ate a little later than most people. He hoped that he wouldn’t walk in with him, Fuyuhiko and Souda there; it would be awkward to hang out all together. He wanted Komaeda to fully integrate with the rest of them, but maybe not yet. He felt… protective. Realistically, he knew that Komaeda was more than capable of handling himself, but he still worried. Hinata also kind of wanted Komaeda’s time all to himself, to be honest.  _ I really am awful,  _ he thought, looking up at the ceiling. He smiled a little.

Fuyuhiko must have noticed, because he stopped needling Souda, who looked very grateful and rubbed his neck. Fuyuhiko squinted at Hinata, his mouth puckering to the side.

“This is prime comedy material, Hinata,” said Fuyuhiko, frowning. “I know Souda embarrasses himself so much it’s become a daily routine, but it’s still fucking funny. Are you okay? Do we need to call Sonia here, or something?” asked Fuyuhiko. While Hinata had been involuntarily made the island’s sole therapist, Sonia was his. She listened to him when no one else would. He really enjoyed spending time with her.

“N-no, no, you don’t have to worry. I was just thinking about something else…” he said, shaking his head. 

“Oh, oh, I bet it’s a girl! Who do you have your eyes on, Hinata? Is she… blonde?” asked Souda, a hand reaching towards his mouth. Fuyuhiko slapped the back of his head as Hinata let out a chuckle, his cheeks getting a little redder.

“Souda, it’s nothing like t-that!” he replied quickly, hoping his voice wouldn’t give him away. Fuyuhiko frowned.

“I don’t know… you  _ have  _ been acting a little weird lately… are you sure everything’s fine?” Fuyuhiko questioned. He was definitely suspicious. 

“Oh yeah, dude, it feels like we hardly see you anymore! Where have you been?” asked Souda.

“What? We see each other every day!” exclaimed Hinata.  


It was true. Hinata made sure that he was always around whenever the others needed him, that they could always keep in contact. He would sit with them at dinner and at lunch, and, at least before this week, at breakfast.  _ Maybe they haven’t noticed…?,  _ Hinata thought, hopefully.

“Nah, not really… you’re always off somewhere at breakfast…” said Fuyuhiko. So, he did notice. Fuyuhiko had always been pretty observant, Hinata noted.

“Oh! That’s true! I hadn’t realized, but now that Fuyuhiko points it out, he’s right!” cried Souda. Hinata felt his blush deepen a little. He hoped it wasn’t noticeable. He cleared his throat a little. Souda elbowed Fuyuhiko, who let out a little  _ tch _ in reply. He grinned, pointy teeth sticking out in all directions.

“So it  _ is  _ a girl!” said Souda.  _ Fuck,  _ thought Hinata, panicking to think of an explanation. It wasn’t a girl, that for sure. 

“Is it… Mahiru?” asked Souda. Hinata shook his head, trying to hide a chuckle.  _ Mahiru? _ “Ibuki? Mikan? H… hiyoko?” His voice broke a little on mentioning Hiyoko. Hinata shook his head more vigorously with each answer.  _ Hiyoko? Really?, _ thought Hinata. 

“Hinata, you dog! Is it Peko?”

Hinata smirked at that, raising his eyebrows. He gave a very pointed look at Fuyuhiko, whose cheeks had suddenly reddened as well. Fuyuhiko glared at Souda, who immediately looked crestfallen. 

“Oh, come on, Hinata… you’d tell us if you found a girl, right? You’d trust us?” said Souda, clearly hoping to have Fuyuhiko back him up. The other man did no such thing, but he didn’t say anything to deter him, meaning he  _ also  _ wanted to know what was going on. Hinata found himself cursing his friends for always being so nosy and never knowing when to mind their own business.

“S-Souda! It’s not a girl!” Hinata managed to get out in the awkward silence. “I just… like to have my breakfast in the restaurant by myself, it’s really not a big deal. I go a little earlier so I can have it in silence.”

Souda seemed placated with Hinata’s explanation. But Fuyuhiko squinted, trying to weigh the truth of his words. The story had been a little suspicious, admittedly; Hinata had never been a good liar. 

“Anyways… Souda! What were you telling me about that upgrade to the generator?” asked Hinata weakly, hoping to change the topic. Thankfully, Souda took the bait. Hinata actually focused on the conversation this time, trying to wish his mind away from Komaeda. He didn’t notice that Fuyuhiko was looking at him like had a plan in mind.

  
  
  
  


The next morning, he had breakfast with Komaeda like usual. They had both woken up insanely early to make some pancakes. They were honestly delicious. Hinata had to pretend like his heart hadn’t practically beaten out of his chest when he saw Komaeda’s hair tied up in a low ponytail, flour all over his face from when they opened the bag too quickly. He felt a little crazy, still. He stuffed his mouth with a piece of pancake, burying his hands in his green sweatshirt.

“So, what are you doing today, Hinata-kun?” asked Komaeda. Hinata swallowed quickly, not wanting to reply with food still in his mouth. He took a sip of water.

“Ummm… let me think… I just have to help Ibuki with the Titty Typhoon again, I think. She wants help redecorating the staff room. It shouldn’t take more than a few hours…” he started saying. Then, an idea popped into his brain. Him and Komaeda had been getting along pretty well, after all, maybe he’d say yes? “Hey, wanna have dinner with me tonight?”

Komaeda frowned a little at the idea, weighing out his options.

“Oh, come on! It doesn’t have to be with everyone else, it can just be us! And we don’t even have to have it in the cafeteria, we can eat on the beach, or something! Come on, I’ll get Teruteru to cook for us, it’ll be fun!” Hinata tried very hard to not focus on how romantic this sounded. He hoped Komaeda wouldn’t read into it too much. 

Komaeda looked a little hesitant for a second, then broke out into a smile. “I think… I think that would be… fun, Hinata-kun. Thank you for inviting me,” he replied. Hinata’s heart was definitely about to beat out of his chest now; he could feel it clawing to get out. He resisted the urge to hold his hands over his head in a victory pose. 

He beamed. “Cool, cool! So, meet you at the beach at like… 7? I’ll bring everything, so don’t worry! You just have to bring… yourself, I guess!” That was a weird thing to say. Hinata hoped he didn’t sound too enthusiastic. Komaeda looked happy, too, if a little careful. Maybe he didn’t want to  _ let  _ himself be happy, or something? Hinata absentmindedly looked at his watch.  _ Oh. _

“Oh, shit, Komaeda, I have to go! I promised Ibuki that I would be there first thing in the morning, she was there late last night and I said that I would go and make everything look better… I’m so sorry!” Hinata basically bolted out of the chair, continuing to stuff food down his throat. Komaeda looked at him bemusedly.

“It’s fine, Hinata-kun,” he said, opening a book that he was carrying. “I’ll just read and finish the pancakes. If you need to talk to me or anything, I’ll be at the library. See you… tonight?” he said, uttering the last word like it was a question.

“Y-yeah, of course! See you tonight!” Hinata replied, walking out of the cafeteria. He shouted a goodbye at Komaeda as he walked out, feeling much more energized than he had in a pretty long time. As soon as he was out of eyesight, he jumped in the air, holding up his fists. For once, things were going his way! Maybe Komaeda would say yes, tonight. Maybe they would… okay, he was definitely getting too far ahead now. It was way to early for that; he didn't even know how Komaeda felt about him. He felt himself blush again, unable to contain his smile _.  _

“Ummm… Hinata?” 

His blood froze. Sonia. Her voice had come from near the stairs, like she had been hiding. He turned around on his feet, dreading the conversation he was certainly about to have. His good mood spoiled as he saw who was waiting for him there: Fuyuhiko, Souda, and Sonia, each wearing a different expression, none of them positive. Sonia looked mildly concerned, Fuyuhiko was clearly worried, and Souda was downright horrified. 

“Uhhhh… did you guys… hear that?” he asked. He hopelessly wished that they didn’t.

Fuyuhiko nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking away.  _ Shit!,  _ thought Hinata.

“I-it’s not… what it looks like?”

“Dude, did you just ask  _ Komaeda  _ out on a  _ date?!” _ Souda asked all at once, sounding slightly hysterical. Hinata shushed him, desperately hoping that Komaeda,  _ who was still eating breakfast,  _ wouldn’t hear. 

“Souda! What is  _ wrong  _ with you? Have you ever heard of compassion and empathy? And about using your inside voice?” scolded Sonia, looking upset. Souda looked slightly ashamed of himself, but kept pressing on. At least his voice was marginally quieter.

“Oh my God, do you  _ like him?!  _ Wait, are you gay? This is insane. You’d tell me if you were gay, right? And for  _ him?!  _ This… this is crazy. This is crazy!” exclaimed Souda. Hinata wanted to melt into the Earth, to have this conversation anywhere but here, where Komaeda could just walk out and hear them. Why did Souda of all people have to find out?

Hinata hit his head with his hand. “Souda,  _ please  _ shut up. Please. I’m not gay, or whatever. I’m trying to b-be friends with him! He needs a friend. It’s not like you guys want to do that, right? So I’m doing it,” he said. Sonia looked positively offended, but before she could reply, Fuyuhiko cut in with a chuckle.

“Oh, come on, dude, don’t act like some kind of saint for spending time with him. This is pretty fucking obvious. You were like, jumping around or whatever. You clearly like the guy. It’s fine, I don’t judge. Although I find your choice to be questionable, at best,” said Fuyuhiko. 

“N-no! And even if I did, it’s absolutely none of your business!” he exclaimed. “And… questionable… it’s not questionable…” he said, under his breath.

“Not questionable? The dude tried to fucking kill us, Hinata! I know  _ he’s  _ crazy, but I didn’t know you were crazy too!” said Fuyuhiko. He was clearly getting angry now. Sonia tried to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, but he shoved it away.

“You think I don’t  _ know  _ that?!” Hinata replied. He was getting a little angry too. “I was there, too, Fuyuhiko.”

Fuyuhiko scoffed. “Whatever. Fucking forget it.”

“If you have a problem, you should just come out and say it,” Hinata replied. He felt the anger in his blood turning cold and a sudden blinding pain in one of his temples. Fuyuhiko looked much shorter now than he had before for some reason, much more insignificant. Hinata didn’t even know why he bothered with Fuyuhiko and others, sometimes. It wasn’t like they would ever understand. 

Hinata knew that he wouldn’t ordinarily think like this, but he didn’t really care right now. Some part of himself felt scared, another angry, and another didn’t feel anything at all.

“Fine!” replied Fuyuhiko. “Honestly, I think Souda’s right! This _is_ fucking crazy! He killed Chiaki, permanently!”

“I’m fully aware of that,” replied Hinata coldly, his eyebrows settling down over his face. That seemed to shock Fuyuhiko a little, causing him to widen his eyes and take a step backwards. Hinata bit his lip. “You really think  _ I _ don’t know that? I know you’re not as stupid as you look.”

“I didn’t mean… shit, I know I’m not much better, but honestly… he hasn’t even apologized for it, and anything else that he’s done…” he said, looking remorseful and… a little scared? Hinata felt a sudden wave of remorse, and let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He shut his eyes tight for a second, focusing on his heartbeat. He thought of Komaeda, eating pancakes in the quiet restaurant, his hair probably still tied up in a low ponytail. It grounded him a little, enabling him to realize what he had just said. He took another deep breath.

“Have you even  _ talked  _ to him since he’s woken up? I’m really not trying to excuse his actions here, Fuyuhiko, but do you even know how he feels about it?” he asked. Fuyuhiko’s expression was replaced by a more thoughtful one, but Hinata still felt guilty.

“You’re right, Hinata,” interjected Sonia, stepping forward. Her voice calmed him down a little. He felt tension release from his shoulders. “You’re right, we haven’t really tried. We should at least talk to him.”

The headache was still there, but duller and more manageable. The weight of his words settled in.

“Yeah. Sorry, Fuyuhiko. I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry, I know it must have sounded and looked like  _ him _ to you. I’m sorry.” 

“Eh, it’s fine,” Fuyuhiko replied, looking away. It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t the first time this happened, either. Hinata felt like shit.

“No, no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I got upset, I really can’t flip out at people like that anymore. Look, I have to go. I need to go help Ibuki with the Titty Typhoon, I’m already late. Can we talk later?” asked Hinata, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. Fuyuhiko nodded. 

“I’ll walk with you to the Titty Typhoon,” offered Sonia. He was about to say that it wasn’t necessary, but she looked determined to follow him. Hinata shrugged, as if to say ‘be my guest’. He nodded at Fuyuhiko and Souda in goodbye, trying not to meet their eyes, and walked out of the pool area with Sonia.

Sonia and Hinata walked in silence, for a while. Hinata thought about saying something, but he couldn’t really bring himself to talk. He couldn’t believe he’d said that to Fuyuhiko. He looked at Sonia. Her now-short hair was swinging in the wind, getting all over her face. It got in her mouth, and she spat it out, offended. Hinata laughed a little.

“I much preferred my hair when it was long… at least then I could keep it braided,” she said, offhandedly. Hinata used to have long hair, too. When he woke up, it reached his feet. He had almost thrown up at the sight of it, and promptly chopped it off with the knife that Naegi used to eat his meals with it. It had been uneven for a while, after that. 

“Would you like to talk, perhaps?” asked Sonia kindly. She looked concerned. He sighed. 

“I… I don’t really know how to talk about it,” Hinata admitted. Sonia frowned.

“We do not need to talk about what you said to Fuyuhiko; you know it was wrong, but you apologized. Fuyuhiko of all people knows how hard it is to put the past behind, especially for you, Hinata. And you were coming from a place of care, right? For Komaeda?” she asked. 

Hinata reflected for a moment. “I just… I just want everyone to get along, to be honest,” he finally said. It wasn’t a dishonest answer, but it wasn’t an entirely truthful one, either; Hinata could tell Sonia realized by the way she looked at him, her grey-green eyes honest and strong. She could  _ always  _ get him to crack.

“Is that it?”, she asked. 

“No, and you know it’s not,” he replied. “I care about Komaeda. I think that he needs a friend.” That was still a half-truth. Hinata didn’t know if he could admit how he felt yet; he’d barely come to terms with it himself.

“I agree with you,” she said, promptly. That was slightly surprising. “I admit, I have wanted to talk to him for a while, but I have never found the courage to. He always seems above loneliness, you know? But, if you have been spending time with him, I suppose it must not be so.”

“I… yeah, I guess.”

“I know you have plans with him tonight, but I had an idea as I heard you two talking. Perhaps, me, you, Komaeda, and Gundham could have dinner together instead? It could still be at the beach, or maybe somewhere else?” she said, weighing out the options. “Oooh, I know, Jabberwock Park! We could have a picnic, it would be adorable!”

Sonia was definitely getting ahead of herself. Hinata frowned. “Have you talked to Gundham about this?”

“No, but we have talked about Komaeda before. He doesn’t particularly like him, but he doesn’t wish him harm, and I think that he understands where he comes from better than… some of our other friends,” replied Sonia tactfully. “I do not think that he would mind.”

Hinata remembered that Gundham had described Komaeda as a morally grey person in the game, back when Hinata was still struggling to understand him. Not that he understood Komaeda now. He was still a mystery, but he was slowly starting to piece it together. Maybe having Sonia and Gundham there as well would be helpful? 

He did want to spend more time alone with Komaeda, but perhaps he was being selfish. He should let him hang out with other people, if he wanted. Hinata was definitely being too protective.

Hinata sighed. “I’m going to have a hard time convincing him…”

Sonia laughed softly. “Are you certain? I think that he is easier to convince than you imagine him to be.” Her tone sounded like she knew more than she let on. Hinata felt blood rush to his cheeks. 

They were almost at the Titty Typhoon. Sonia looked pensive for a second. “I hope you know that I support you, Hinata. We are more similar than you think we are.” 

“W-what?”

“I mean, I know what it is like to be attracted to the same gender.” Wow, this was not a conversation Hinata had been expecting to have with Sonia. He desperately resisted the urge to run away. “I know I am dating Gundham, but still. And he has no qualms with it either, if you know what I mean.”

Hinata felt his face heat up. “Oh, o-okay… cool… I’m not - well, thank you, I guess, Sonia,” he managed to spit out. Sonia laughed good-naturedly as they reached the Titty Typhoon.

“Alright, good-bye then Hinata! I’ll see you later tonight if everything goes well. I am very much looking forward to decorating… I wonder if the Future Foundation has sent us picnic blankets…” she said, lost in thought. He wished her goodbye and entered the building, the smell of paint distracting him. He had to get to work.

  
  


For the next few hours, Hinata worked on fixing whatever Ibuki had managed to do the night before. She used bright paint all around, decorating with a loose and energetic hand. Hinata was more methodical - he preferred muted colors, like blues, dark reds, and greens, as opposed to Ibuki’s splashes of neon. But he wanted to respect her vision, so he tried to follow her directions as best as he could interpret them. It was getting hot in the music venue, so he took off his sweatshirt; he was wearing a tank top under. At around one, he figured he’d helped out enough, and decided to grab some lunch and maybe talk to Komaeda. He said he’d be in the library, right? And that wasn’t far away; the second and third islands were much smaller than the first.

He made his way to the library under the hot midday sun. He hadn’t been in there yet, but he wasn’t surprised to find it looking a lot different than it had been during the game. There were still books, and a lot of them, but the collection paled in comparison to what he remembered from the simulation. They were mostly in Japanese, from what he could tell, and instead of broken Usami statues, there were just more desks. Komaeda was sitting at one of them, his book open on a page. 

“Hey, Komaeda,” said Hinata from the door. 

“Hi again, Hinata-kun,” the other replied, his eyes stuck on the book.

“Can I sit?” he asked, pointing towards a chair as he walked over. Komaeda nodded. Hinata sat down, his chair scraping the floor. Komaeda shivered at the noise.

“Sorry, sorry!” he said. 

“Ah, it’s fine, Hinata-kun, don’t worry about it. Did you wanna talk about something?” Komaeda asked, looking up. He involuntarily raised his eyebrows when he looked at Hinata, then immediately lowered them, as if he’d made a mistake. Hinata frowned, but shrugged it off.

“Oh, yeah! I talked to Sonia earlier and she asked whether you wanted to have dinner with Gundham and her tonight,” he said. Komaeda looked confused, so he quickly clarified. “A-and me, of course! She said we could have a picnic on Jabberwock Park, or something, at around the same time. I know we were supposed to have dinner, too, but you know, the more the merrier! Right?”

Komaeda looked uncertain. “She wants to have dinner… with  _ me?” _ he asked, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yeah, we were talking and she said she was thinking of inviting you over one of these nights. So I said that coincidentally we were supposed to hang out tonight, and that maybe we could join her! Of course, Gundham has to come too. Is that okay?” 

“Hmm… I don’t know…”, Komaeda said, clearly mulling it over.

“Come on, you were gonna eat with me, weren’t you? And it won’t be much different… come on, please?” he asked. Komaeda chuckled a bit.

“I guess I could come for a while, then…”

“Oh, really? Thank you!” Hinata replied, smiling. Komaeda grinned wider too, like he couldn’t resist smiling back. “Have you had lunch yet? If you haven’t, wanna come to the restaurant with me?”

“I have, I’m sorry,” Komaeda replied earnestly. Maybe he didn’t  _ want  _ to be stuck at the hip to Hinata; they'd be hanging out later tonight, after all. Hinata still felt disappointed.

“Oh, that’s fine… we’ll be hanging out later tonight anyway, and I really need to have a shower and change soon,” he said, getting up from the chair.

Komaeda hummed. “Hmm? I think it’s a good look, Hinata-kun. Although you do have quite a lot of paint on you.”

Hinata’s brain short-circuited for a second. He felt himself blush scarlet, resisting the urge to throw up his hands to shield his shoulders. Komaeda looked a little surprised at Hinata’s reaction, like he was expecting something different. “A-ah! Thank you! Yeah, paint! I-I painted!” he said, very intelligently. He desperately needed to fix this. “You look good too! As usual!”  _ Nope. _

Komaeda frowned, and opened his mouth to reply. Hinata knew he would start babbling on about how he actually looked disgusting, repulsive, or whatever self-defeating term he had taken a liking to that day, so he quickly blurted something out. “Do you know what you’re gonna wear tonight?”

“I didn’t know  _ you  _ were the type to care about fashion, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda replied, his voice a little teasing. That was true; Hinata usually wore whatever was on hand. As long as it was green. “But, probably a nice shirt and trousers. What about you?”

“Uhhh, I don’t know yet, that’s why I asked,” he lied. He would just wear his only "nice" outfit, a white shirt and black jeans. “Alright, I really have to go, I feel the paint drying on me and I need to get it off before it sticks to my hair and I have to pry it off or something. See you later! I’ll come get you from your cottage at six-thirty, if you want.”

“Alright, that sounds like a plan. See you later, Hinata-kun,” said Komaeda, breaking out into his usual wide smile. Hinata’s heart jumped a little; he begged it to just shut up for a second and keep still. He waved and turned around, leaving the library. He didn’t know that behind him, Komaeda’s smile had dropped, and a sad expression had taken over his face.

  
  


It was nearly six-thirty; Hinata had eaten and showered since then, and he was working on an email for the Future Foundation about their supplies. He hadn’t been able to find Fuyuhiko, strangely. He supposed he’d have to talk to him the day after. 

Hinata sighed, rubbed his eyes, and got up from the desk. He unsurprisingly decided to wear the usual simple white collared shirt and pair of black jeans, bringing a wool sweater from his cottage with him in case it got cold. Although, they were on a tropical island, so that was unlikely. He walked out of the cottage and headed to Komaeda’s own, only to see the other exiting his room at the exact right moment. 

“Hi,” he said. Komaeda was wearing a green shirt, a pair of black trousers, and red shoes.  _ Always with the green and red _ , Hinata noted with a smile. 

“Hi,” replied Komaeda. “Shall we go?” 

Hinata nodded, smiling at Komaeda as they started walking out of the hotel together. As they walked near the one Mahiru and Hiyoko shared, he noticed a familiar bored face at the window. When she noticed the two of them, Hiyoko grinned and did an obscene gesture with her hands. Hinata tried to summon whatever icy glare Kamukura had been able to scare people with in response, but he clearly failed, since Hiyoko looked utterly unbothered and continued to smirk at them. Where was Mahiru when he needed her? He speed walked out of Hiyoko’s sight.

Komaeda thankfully hadn’t the interaction he’d just had. Hinata felt the weird urge to link their arms together, for some reason. Wait. This was awfully like… a double date?  _ Oh, God,  _ thought Hinata. He had not realized the implications. He cleared his throat, hoping to distract himself from his anxiety-inducing train of thought, but ended up attracting Komaeda’s attention instead.

“Are you alright, Hinata-kun? Do you feel sick?” he asked, worry apparent on his face. That was kind of sweet.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry,” Hinata said, opening the gate out of the hotel and letting Komaeda walk through first. “I wonder what Sonia prepared…” he said.

“I hope it isn’t anything too sweet,” replied Komaeda, then quickly corrected his words. “Ah, that was presumptuous of me; as if Sonia-san should care about my personal tastes! No, please forget I said that.”

_ It’s not that big of a deal, Komaeda _ , Hinata thought, but just nodded in response. Hinata desperately tried to get his mind out of the double date idea, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. And Komaeda was being oddly quiet; the silence wasn’t calming Hinata tonight, but heightening his anxieties instead.

As they got closer to the park, he could hear Gundham’s voice ring out more and more. It wasn’t like Gundham was ever quiet, after all. He was talking to Sonia about his birds again. They weren’t a replacement for the Four Devas, but Gundham had said that they were majestic and noble beasts. And they could fly, which meant that they were useful. 

Komaeda and Hinata approached Jabberwock Park. The administration building, which the survivors had renovated while everyone was asleep, stood proudly in the middle of the park. Sonia had insisted that they use a lilac color for the walls, for some reason. Tonight, Sonia had decorated the picnic with lilac decorations as well as a few gas lamps that they had mysteriously found in the depths of the basement of the administration building. She usually had them out on her front porch, but tonight they were lighting up a blanket, a basket and four pillows on the floor. It was cute and kind of odd, very much to Sonia’s liking, and too romantic for Hinata’s own. It really _did_ feel like a double date.  


“Hi, Tanaka-kun, Sonia-san,” said Komaeda. Hinata smiled at Sonia and Gundham in greeting. Sonia beamed and stood up, giving Hinata a hug and Komaeda a weird and slightly confusing handshake.

“Good night, fiends!” said Gundham. “I hope this day has not brought you misery.”

“Yup, my day was fine, Gundham,” said Hinata, smiling. “How was yours?”

“It was utterly majestic, each moment filled with more wonder than the last,” replied Gundham. Hinata was glad to hear that.

“Please, sit down!” exclaimed Sonia. Komaeda and Hinata complied. “Shall we begin the picnic? I have made some sushi, I thought it would be perfect for a picnic!”

Hinata looked at Komaeda, who seemed to be happy with the food choice. He grabbed a plate, a pair of chopsticks and a maki roll. It was surprisingly delicious; he really hadn’t expected Sonia to be able to cook, given her talent. 

“Wow, Sonia-san, this food looks amazing! Are you sure you are not the Ultimate Chef, as well as Ultimate Princess?” said Komaeda. Hinata found himself agreeing. He nodded seriously towards Sonia.

Sonia blushed slightly and smiled. “Oh, thank you so much! After Teruteru woke up, I asked if he could teach me how to make traditional Japanese cuisine, and he agreed! I hadn’t cooked a lot up until then, so it was a little difficult at first, but I have been cooking a lot with Gundham and he has not complained so far!”

Gundham smiled at that, and sat up forward a little to reach for Sonia’s hand, who grasped it and entangled her fingers with his own. Hinata was a little surprised at his eagerness. He remembered how it had taken a while for Gundham to let him even come close to touching him, back in the simulation. Even now, Gundham didn’t particularly like being touched. 

As he looked at Sonia and Gundham, memories of himself and Komaeda holding hands from the week before flooded his mind; the feeling of his cold metal fingers, and the way he looked at Hinata like he was the only person in the world. Hinata wondered what would happen if he just grabbed Komaeda’s hand right now. He probably shouldn’t, though. Sonia and Gundham were there, and it wasn’t like he and Komaeda regularly held hands. Maybe... later?  


“That’s delightful, Sonia-san!” Komaeda replied, breaking Hinata out of his thoughts. “I am afraid I cannot cook, I burn everything I touch!”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true”, said Sonia comfortingly.

“Yeah, it’s not,” Hinata replied. Komaeda looked at him quizzically. “You didn’t burn the pancakes, this morning,” he explained quickly. That definitely came across like they were closer than they actually were. Hinata pretended not to see Gundham raising his eyebrows and looking at Sonia after he made that comment. 

“I suppose that’s because you were there, Hinata-kun,” said Komaeda. “But any food I’ve cooked on my own has met a tragic end.”

Hinata sighed. He grabbed another maki roll. They really were delicious.

“So, Hinata, how’s the Titty Typhoon renovation going?” asked Sonia, trying to make casual conversation.

“Oh, it’s going fine so far,” he answered. “Ibuki left a mess earlier this morning, I had to clean it up.”

“That explains the paint, then,” Komaeda exclaimed, then explained as Hinata looked at him confusedly. “I was wondering why you showed up at the library earlier covered in it.”

“I guess I hadn’t told you… sorry about that,” he said. 

“There is no need to apologize to someone like me, Hinata-kun,” replied Komaeda. Hinata sighed. 

“Komaeda…” he tiredly started saying, then thought better of it. They weren’t alone, after all; it wasn’t like they could just talk freely right now. “Nevermind. Let’s talk about it later, alright?”

Komaeda pursed his lips in response, but nodded. Hinata decided to switch it up, selecting a piece of sushi at random. 

“You seem to be very much enjoying this sushi…” said Gundham. “You must be careful, for I have bewitched the spider rolls with much spicy mayonnaise! Only a  _ true  _ demon would be able to handle it...”

Good thing Hinata wasn’t eating a spider roll, then. He plopped a piece of tempura in his mouth. The picnic was silent for a second. Hinata looked at Komaeda, noticing that his food went untouched in his plate. That was definitely weird. But he didn’t really want to call Komaeda out for it, especially not in front of everyone else, so he decided not to comment on it.

“So, you two have been spending a lot of time together, lately…” Sonia said all of a sudden, her smile a little teasing.  _ God, why would you do this to me _ , thought Hinata desperately. 

“Oh, yes, Hinata-kun seems to follow me everywhere I go!” said Komaeda cheerily. “Not that I mind, of course!”

Hinata resisted the urge of shoving his head between his hands. He looked at Gundham pleadingly. Gundham shook his head, clearly having no inclination to help him.

“I see…” Sonia said, her smile wider. “I do not mean to intrude, but I am glad you guys are becoming better friends.”

Hinata looked at Komaeda, expecting a response. Instead, he looked oddly sad for a moment. When he noticed Hinata looking at him, he smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He cleared his throat and straightened his spine, as if he was gathering up his courage for something.

“Sonia-san, may I ask you a question?” said Komaeda. 

“Of course! You may ask me anything you want,” she replied, smiling brightly.  


“I don’t think you want to make promises like that to someone like me, Sonia-san,” Komaeda replied. Hinata’s shoulders stiffened. Komaeda’s tone was different this time. It was more cutting, more like it had been during the fourth trial than the conversations they’d had since then. Hinata was definitely worried. “May I ask about Novoselic?”

_ Oh, fuck,  _ Hinata thought. That was not a casual dinner topic at all. Sonia had practically single-handedly destroyed the kingdom of Novoselic. A large part of her citizens had become refugees, while others had been executed on her orders. It was only recently that Sonia had been able to openly talk about it, and even then, it was only with Hinata or Gundham, and not at length.

Gundham’s pupils dilated and he made the motion of standing up, but stopped when he saw Sonia shake her head with a diplomatic smile. “Yes. I miss it dearly, of course, but I’ll try to answer to the best of my ability.”

“Right, of course, an answer befitting the Ultimate Princess! Although… how can you miss something you have yourself destroyed? That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?”

Sonia gave out a quick breath at that, but maintained her composure. Gundham looked more murderous by the second. Hinata was panicking. He didn’t know what to do; should he grab Komaeda’s arm and walk away? Should he clamp his fingers over his mouth? 

“Komaeda… think about what you’re saying…” he said weakly, looking at Komaeda next to him.

“I am very aware of what I am saying, Hinata-kun, thank you. Sonia-san, how can you still think that you’re worthy of the title of Ultimate Princess when your kingdom no longer exists?” asked Komaeda, refusing to turn his head towards Hinata.

Sonia’s face began to crack, her lip wobbling slightly, but she still tried to reply with her head held high. “I never… I never said that I was still an Ultimate Princess…”

“Ah, but you are still here with the Ultimates, aren’t you? Tanaka-kun’s talent has not stopped existing, has it? Everyone on the island still has their talent, in some way,” he said, then briefly looked at Hinata. His eyes were dark and swirling, hope and despair mixed crudely and dispassionately. “Even Hinata-kun, as offensive I find his existence to be, has talent. And yet… how can you face yourself after all you’ve done? How can you stand it? Don’t you just want to leave, and never return? Although… where would you even go? You’ve destroyed your kingdom, after all. Do you even have a place you can call home?”

Sonia let out a soft cry and turned away. Gundham, Hinata and Komaeda stood up at the same time. Gundham took a step forward and Komaeda one backwards, Hinata trying to keep them separated with his body.

“H-hold on, Gundham, please…” pleaded Hinata. 

“Please move, Hinata. You know I am not a violent person. However, even I have my limits,” Gundham said, his voice low and steady. 

Hinata heard Komaeda laugh from behind him, wheezing and spluttering like a car motor that refused to start. “Ahh, isn’t it hopeful that you have found love even in a situation as despairful as this one? Not that you deserve it, of course, Tanaka-kun. Sonia-san may be a murderer, but then again, so are you. All of us are!”

Gundham tried to get past Hinata, but Hinata refused to let him, his hands stretched out to separate Gundham and Komaeda.

“Gundham, please stop,” Hinata pleaded. 

Gundham ignored him, taking another step forward, into the picnic blanket. The sushi, mostly uneaten, went everywhere. At that, Sonia let out a soft cry. “No! Please, don’t…” she said, her voice broken slightly by tears. Even then, it sounded regal. “I would just… appreciate it if you could leave. You too, Gundham. Please.”

“Are you sure, Sonia?” asked Gundham. His shoulders dropped, concern replacing anger in his eyes. Hinata let out a breath of relief - at least he wouldn’t have to patch up Komaeda. 

“Yes, please go. I will talk with you later. I hope you all have a good night,” she said, refusing to look at any of them in the eyes as she started to clear up the picnic. 

Hinata felt guilty and very angry. He knew that whatever this was, and for whatever reason Komaeda had done it for, the target was Hinata, not Sonia or Gundham. They were probably just casualties to him. He took off in one direction and Gundham in the other; he knew Komaeda was probably going to follow him, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he heard his petulant voice ring out from behind him.

“So much despair… but the Ultimates will come together and arise from the ashes, stronger than ever!”

Hinata stopped in his tracks and turned around, feeling furious.

“ _ Why _ did you say any of that?” he exclaimed, pointing a finger towards Komaeda, who smiled in response.

“Why did you stop Tanaka-kun? Surely I deserved it…” he said, scoffing slightly. Hinata didn’t even bother answering him. He scowled and focused on his heartbeat, hoping that whatever Kamukura was left in him wouldn’t suddenly break out and hurt Komaeda.

“Come on, Hinata-kun, cat got your tongue? Did you fool yourself into thinking we were friends, maybe? I did say I don’t hate you, but I never mentioned how I feel about you… perhaps you disgust me, how about that? Perhaps I feel as though your very existence is an insult upon this world,” Komaeda asked. Hinata felt the rage he was feeling leave his body in an instant. 

“I wouldn’t blame you, if you did,” replied Hinata, honestly. That seemed to shock Komaeda for a second, his smile faltering for the blink of an eye. “But you didn’t need to get Sonia involved. If you have a problem with me, just take it up with me directly. What has she  _ ever  _ done to you besides being kind?”

“Sonia-san is merely an unfortunate casualty,” said Komaeda. “But what I said at dinner is not untrue.”

“Is that how you think of all of us? As unworthy?” asked Hinata. Komaeda opened his mouth to respond, but Hinata interrupted him again. “You know what? You don’t have to answer. I don’t want to know.”

Hinata sighed, running his hands through his hair, feeling his scars. He felt tears prickle behind his eyes, but firmly shut them down. He hoped Komaeda couldn’t hear them in his voice. “I really thought… I really thought we could… nevermind. It seems I was wrong. You don’t have to be my friend if you don’t want to be, Komaeda, and I don’t think you do. Just... please apologize to Sonia. She didn’t deserve that.”

Hinata’s reaction had, once again, clearly surprised Komaeda. His eyes widened. “You still… want to be my friend? After all of this? You don’t hate me?”

Hinata laughed, empty and bitter. “I really don’t. I never did. Just go, alright? And please, apologize to Sonia.”

Komaeda nodded. He shoved his hands in his pockets and left, not walking towards the hotel but instead the fifth island bridge. That worried Hinata for a second. The fifth island… that was not a good island to remember. He almost shouted at Komaeda to wait before he saw him sit under a tree near the bridge, looking out towards the ocean. He saw Komaeda direct a glance towards him, then frown as if he couldn’t understand. Hinata sighed and walked away, towards the hotel. 

He knew that back in the simulation, Hinata would have gotten angrier at Komaeda. But it was pointless to pretend like everything hadn’t changed since then, for the worse and for the better. Even though Hiyoko got night terrors, she was kinder to Mikan. Even though Souda’s hands shook so bad he couldn’t work sometimes, he had stopped bothering Sonia. Even though he himself had become… whatever he was now, he was more empathetic, or at least he tried to be. Ironically, he had become more in touch with his emotions, even though they sometimes felt dented and muffled. Hinata had to believe, for his own sanity, that there was a silver lining in everything, that they would atone and turn out okay. But… had Komaeda changed? Could he ever  _ be  _ okay?

Regardless of however Komaeda felt about him, Hinata did care, and he always had. Even when he did inexcusable things, Hinata just wanted him to be happy. And it wasn't like Hinata had never done anything inexcusable, either. 

As Hinata walked by the beach, he stopped and grabbed a stone from the floor, holding it between his hands. It had been levigated by sand, wind and sea for centuries into a smooth and warm surface. He threw it in the ocean; even from this far away, it landed in the water with a satisfying  _ plop. _ There were things that always remained the same and would always remain the same, like the tide. Hinata supposed that he would always care about Komaeda in some way too, after everything they’d been through together. He wasn’t sure whether Komaeda understood that, though. 

As Hinata reached the hotel, he looked over at the restaurant. His friends were still there, enjoying a hot meal and laughter. He still had to apologize to Fuyuhiko; he’d probably do it first thing tomorrow morning. He smiled sadly and entered his cottage, the door shutting loudly behind him. As he threw himself into his bed, he couldn’t help but feel as though tomorrow’s breakfast would be incredibly lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hoped you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> It was definitely fun to write Komaeda being, for lack of a better term, Komaeda. this chapter was kind of hard to write, to be honest! I originally was going to have a little Sounda-And-Fuyuhiko spying scene because I love those two SOO MUCH but I figured the sudden POV change would be too jarring. Sorry if the tone is a little inconsistent this chapter btw! It went through a LOT of editing.
> 
> Also, this chapter is so long. I wanted to write more Gundham so bad because his dialogue is hilarious but I didn't really have a chance to lol since Komaeda was like Nooo fuck sonia :) i hate sonia now. ALSO sonia and gundham are bi4bi because my brain is huge
> 
> also, can you tell I know absolutely nothing about sushi other than that it exists? like i've eaten sushi before, but i don't know sushi names other than Maki Rolls for V3 reasons. and i had to google spicy sushi to find out what a "spider roll" was. Gundham put spicy mayonnaise in it though you can be certain of that.
> 
> Again, thank you all for your comments and bookmarks and kudos and views!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 see you all next week!!!
> 
> Edit: I had to edit because Komaeda accidentally referred to Gundham as Gundham -_- I'm so bad with honorifics lol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. I wrote it all in one night and edited it the next night, mayhaps I am going a little crazy. I don't know when exactly I'm going to update this fic but I plan on writing 4/5 chapters overall, so if the hyperfixation sticks I should be done by the end of January or something. Please feel free to leave any constructive criticism, I want to improve as a writer! Let me know if anyone is out of character or anything, or if my writing just doesn't make sense at all LOL. If you like the fic please leave a kudos or a comment, it would mean a lot to me! Thank you so much for reading!!!!!!!!!!!  
> I believe in Souda Kazuichi redemption arc. Also, I know the game spells it Soda, but I'm used to Souda; what would everyone rather see? I don't mind changing it!
> 
> PS: I realize this fic makes it seem like I have a thing for hands. i do not. I simply think that if someone played with my hand for more than 30 seconds i'd fall head over heels in love.


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